I had another night of interrupted sleep. Woke up before 5 and couldn’t really get back to sleep. It took me a few minutes to get myself out of bed, but I made it to my walk.
It seemed like every time I woke in the night, I was dreaming, and when I went back to sleep I found myself in another dream. One of the dreams involved a high school friend, and I reached out to to him via text this morning. We ended up having a pretty substantial conversation. All this week, I’d been feeling close to overwhelmed near constantly. Crying and yelling and looking for things I could hit. But after texting with him, I found myself in a calmer space.
I’m glad to have a friend that I can talk to about certain aspects of my life with Ambrose. We talked about him coming out to visit. I think that might be nice. I wanted to see him in Chicago when I was there over Christmas, but it didn’t work out.
I finally recorded myself singing my play on “The Sound of Silence,” called “The Smell of Coffee.” I think recording that has focused me a bit more on making music. I kind of made myself a chant this afternoon that was quite soothing to sing. But then my voice started to get sore, likely from all the crying and yelling this week. My dad has been encouraging me to do music in my grief. When Chris Hill died, I started writing songs. I still like some of the ones I wrote back then. I should listen to my old recordings and see about finishing some of them or re-recording them.
I sang a few of them in public back in college, but I got a bit fixated on the idea that I needed to have accompaniment. And the only instrument I could play well was the flute, and I can’t sing and play flute at the same time.
I did my Move U exercises during lunch. Very slow spinal oscillations while looking at the mountains. It’s too cold to do them outside, but I can look out the windows. I also got all three walks done today. The other day a neighbor pulled up to say hello and commented that I walk a lot. I had to agree. I’d rather be hiking on a trail, but what I’ve got is the walk up and down the hill. And I’d rather have that than nothing at all.
It’s supposed to snow tomorrow and for the next several days. I hope it snows enough for me to do some snowshoeing in the yard. And sticks around a bit.
I’m going to take a bath now before bed. The hot springs felt so good last night, I’ll do my best to simulate the sensation with my tub.