Yesterday, I did go for a walk. A little over 2 miles. I stopped by a neighbor’s house to chat, so it took a lot longer than just walking the distance would have. I wanted to walk farther, but the rain turned into snow, and I was wearing a down jacket. I didn’t want to be out so long that the jacket soaked through and chilled me.
The warmth that brought the rain also warmed up my body. I ended up working up quite a sweat on the hike up my hill. It was good to walk through the snow, even if it was melty and slushy. Walking on snow is like walking on sand; more of a challenge to the feet and ankles.
Today is the anniversary of my mom’s death. She died 4 years ago. Ambrose was there to comfort me, then. He helped me work through that grief.
It’s a different kind of grief. I didn’t have a close relationship with my mother. But she was my mom. And she didn’t choose her circumstances. None of us do. I know that she loved me, and I loved her.
I cried a lot today. Felt like I was losing the calm I had grasped onto last week. But that’s to be expected, I’m told. The name of the game right now is survival. And by that metric, I’m doing well. I’m fed. I make my bed almost every single day. Shower almost every single day. I show up to work, and I’m not letting anything pile up for long.
I want to skip the hard part. That’s what I’m in. The long slog. The slow period of adjusting to life without my other half. Physical, mental, and spiritual healing, all proceeding at its own pace.
I was sitting on the couch after work and it began to snow. Big, puffy flakes while the sun shone through a thin veil of clouds. The show drew my attention to the sky, and it just kept looking more and more beautiful. I kept seeing more beauty in the sky, and I wished I could capture it all.
I did my Move U exercises looking out the kitchen windows at the sky, since that gives the best view that’s inside.
