I forgot to turn my 6:30 am alarm off, so I have only myself to blame for being woken up much earlier than I wanted. I did fall back asleep a bit, I think, before the 7:45 alarm that I wanted to use for a wake up today went off.

Since I’m in Chicago, my work day goes from 9 am until 6 pm instead of 8 to 5, so waking up at 7:45 worked out just fine. I did my meditation, malingered a bit, and then got to getting breakfast and setting up my workstation. I initially thought I might work from the couch, but there’s a tree up, and I didn’t want to try to wrangle cords behind it so I ended up in the kitchen.

I bundled way up to stay warm. I run cold, and my IBS has been flaring up for the past week. When I have flare ups, my feet and hands have a terrible time warming up. I didn’t bring a sweatshirt or sweater, so I put my winter coat on for a while. Then I remembered my brother’s poncho was downstairs so I snagged that. It’s Peruvian, warm and fuzzy. It’s been doing well for me today. I grabbed one of the heated blankets from the couch, but I initially needed both plugs near me to charge my phone and run the computer. I did plug it in in the afternoon, and it kept my lap warm and cozy. I’ve even taken my hat off a few times!

But my feet are still cold.

The more I work, the more I remember how to do the things I used to do with such ease. I’m still on the journey, but I feel like I’m pointing in the right direction. Doing a little better each day, for the most part. Being forgiving when I have set backs. When the storms of grief hit. I hope I’m not suppressing myself too much. I feel like I might be, though maybe it’s not emotional numbness so much as the fact that I am having a very hard time getting warm, and a hard time staying warm once I get there.

I found my backup copies of the very first communication that Ambrose and I shared, over instant messenger. Yahoo Instant Messenger, to be precise. Such a long time ago. For a long time, I electronic backups from chats and correspondence with my first boyfriend, Chris Hill. But I lost that when I lost my hotmail email address. Rather, I let it go. It was part of closing that chapter of grief and moving on, which happened maybe eight, maybe nine years after he died. Who knows how long I’ll hang onto my Ambrose stuff? Probably longer since I’ve got cloud storage now.

I went shopping with my sister-in-law after work. That was good, but also hard because I was very tired and I started getting hungry. Luckily, I didn’t get hangry. But I did feel a bit lightheaded. I picked up some fuzzy slipper socks to keep my feet warm.

Dinner was some excellent leftovers. I need to remember to cook myself some dill potatoes. We listened to music and then hit the showers.

I got my exercises done. I did a variety of movements, including the new ones for Hips & Glutes level 2. I also did shoulder and neck exercises to try and fend off the headache that usually accompanies my period, which is due soon-ish.

I hope I can sleep in a bit tomorrow. That will probably depend on how late I get to bed.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *