I had a night full of dreams last night. Ambrose was in one, and we talked though I don’t remember what about. I remember hugging him. Pressing my face to his chest. And then I woke up to pee and went into a different dream. And then again, to yet another one. I much prefer nights with dreams to those without.
I dallied ten minutes in bed writing about the dreams that I’d had. I especially wanted to remember the one with Ambrose. And then I got a move on and did my mile walk. It turned out to be a little longer than usual, because in the darkness and snow I managed to get lost. I missed my turn and almost ended up at a neighbor’s house. For a moment, I had no idea where I even was; my headlamp revealed no familiar landmarks. I actually pulled up google maps to make sure I knew how to get back home.
Work went well in the morning. I’m doing interviews for the open position on my team this week, and I was a little nervous about that, but today’s went just fine. I walked to the mailbox at lunch and mailed a card to one of my niece’s for her upcoming birthday. On that walk, my Yaktrax traction devices behaved quite oddly. It was as if the snow was so thick that they were pushing the devices up and over the toes of my boots. I’ve had them fall off before, but I’d never seen them do this. It helped if I stepped in the tracks I’d already made so I did that on the way back to keep them firmly in place.
After work, I decided to snowshoe around the property for a mile instead of walking. I saw a couple of deer to the north of my property when I was just starting. And as I walked the southern end, I saw that my shed’s roof had filled with heavy snow and was starting to pull the side walls in. I realized that I needed to fix that situation if I didn’t want the whole thing to collapse, so I left the MapMyRun app running and got to work clearing the snow. I ended up having to go back to the house to get better gloves for the job, and I also grabbed a broom to help get the snow off. After some hard work, I cleared it all, and then I wedged a piece of wood to help keep the walls from collapsing. I am going to need to add some screws to the framework, but not today.
I finished the mile as the light faded. Impossible to see the sun setting with the thick cloud cover, but I hoped I could finish my loop before it got truly dark. Wet snow continued to fall. I was getting pretty wet myself, so I was glad I’d decided to wear a rain poncho over a sweatshirt instead of my down jacket. I finished the mile before it got too dark and got to cooking dinner.
I had put some pasta sauce that I’d made a few weeks ago in the fridge to thaw, so I boiled up some spinach and cheese tortellini and mixed in some heated up sauce. I think next time I make a batch I’ll add a bit more pepper paste. I do like the heat.
Today, when I’ve felt those tides of emotions rising, I’ve let them come, and then calmed myself with my song. Playing it on my flute, or singing it, or even listening to my recording of it. It helps me to center. To remember that I am in control. That the emotions are here, and I can feel them, but I do not need to be trapped in them. My love is always there.
