My sleep felt very interrupted last night. I kept having to get up to pee, but it was more from gas than a full bladder. I woke before the alarm again, but didn’t feel motivated to get up. I just want to be able to go back to sleep, even if it’s for ten minutes until the alarm, but I have trouble with that.
The morning walk was a bit rainy, but mostly windy. It’s been very windy all day, with the wind coming from the south. It typically comes from the north. I think it’s going to tear apart the tarp I put on my shed. I’ll have to figure out another solution for covering that thing. Maybe if I fix the staple gun, I can staple down old pieces of the garage tarp and see if that works better. But the wind will still tear at it.
I really need a proper shed. That one was always meant to be temporary. I think Ambrose had plans for us to purchase a real shed, maybe with the money from this year’s tax return. But that was when we had his social security income as well as my earnings from work. The budget looks different now. I really need to think about doing my taxes soon. And starting to actually budget instead of just guessing at my spending and trying not to spend more than I’m taking in each month.
Work was okay today. I had a lot of meetings. I nearly finished the schedule for my new employee’s first month. My boss helped me with some of the design at our one on one. I should have it completed tomorrow morning. I’ll be getting off work early tomorrow so I can get to Boise and sign up for TSA Pre-check. I figure I’ll be flying more in the coming years, with visiting family more often, so I might as well make flying a little easier on myself. It will be nice to have less stress over the security line.
I started my review of Shoulders & Arms level 1 during my exercise release time. It went well. But during my walk to the mailbox I started to feel some panic. This was before the one on one, and I was feeling like I couldn’t do the first month schedule because I had a hard time thinking about the future. Because I’m still grieving, and the shock of his death makes it seem like plans have no meaning, because anything can happen at any time to just turn your life and your plans upside down. So, I took half a Clonazepam. That’s what it’s there for. I have been sparing in my use of them. It helped me to calm down and get back to work without that feeling of panic and distress.
I tried one of my new ginger sodas, and at first I was extremely disappointed. It had a very odd taste that I did not like at all. The aftertaste was almost like it had artificial sweeteners. Then I remembered that I’d read on the bottle that it needed to be mixed. I put my hand over the top and turned it upside down. It tasted a lot better after that. Still not as good as the one I like from Oregon, but I can’t have that kind right now. I’ll try a different brand next time. Ridley’s had several options for fancy ginger sodas. I only went with this one because it claimed to have Peruvian ginger.
I had a dream that my friend from high school was running a LARP at my grandfather’s house. I was trying to flirt with a blond girl with a pixie cut, but a friend from college kept interrupting just as we were about to make a connection. I’m still in touch with the friend from high school so I told her about it. But the friend from college is one that I’ve lost touch with.
The wind is howling tonight. I’m glad I know what it sounds like. That I know what the sounds the house makes are. Ambrose and I got to live here together for a full year, and he made sure I was comfortable with all the sounds I’d encounter. He knew I’d have to be here alone, some day.
