Another early morning wake up. I tried to fall back asleep, but it didn’t really work. I got up at the alarm and went for my walk. The high mile again.
I did have interesting dreams last night, but none that I recall involving Ambrose. Some interesting mixes of characters.
Another long day of training my new hire at work. I’m satisfied so far with my hiring choice this time. This week is a firehose of information for them, but they’ve got a strong foundation for me to start from.
During exercise release time, I did another session of Shoulders & Arms level 1 week 3. It feels like I need to give my muscles some more time to adapt to these exercises before I move on. I’m in no hurry to get to level 2. I can’t really focus as much on the exercises while I’m spending my Saturdays doing my community service.
I did the low mile after work. The wind tried to blow me back down the hill when I was walking up it, so I wasn’t as fast as I might have preferred, but I did it. Then I had some thawed kidney bean stew for dinner, with shredded sharp cheddar cheese on top. That was a delightful addition.
I drove out to Council to do a little grocery shopping. I had a few things I wanted to pick up, and I wanted to remind myself of what was available up there. It’s slightly closer than driving to Weiser. I did have to stop at Loveland’s in Cambridge afterwards though, because they did not carry my breakfast sandwiches up there.
When I got home, I made some chamomile tea after I put up my groceries. I want to try and be relaxed tonight. I know I have a tendency to get anxious the night before new things. And tomorrow I’m finally having my intake meeting with the Washington County probation officer. I know that I just need to be my charming self and everything will be fine. But I’m still a bit nervous. There are what-ifs dancing in my brain. He could, after all, forbid me from leaving the state, though preventing me from going to my dead husband’s celebration of life would be so incredibly mean and petty. It seems quite unlikely. But it’s possible.
I’ve started writing a story for my March submission to Pulphouse. The theme is charm stories, and I’m not entirely sure what that means, so I’m just running with something that I think will fit. That makes sense to my brain. I hope I can do the idea justice.
I cried on the way home from shopping. I feel like I’m doing okay, overall. That I’m doing what needs to be done, and taking care of myself. But I miss him. I miss him so much. I want to tell him all about my day. I want to press my face against his neck and breathe in his scent. I want to feel the weight of his body on top of mine. I want to be facing the uncertain future with a loved and trusted partner by my side.
But for tonight, I just hope I can get to sleep and stay asleep so I can be well-rested for work and my meeting.
