I was planning to stay in Chicago until my birthday weekend, but I realized that I couldn’t do that. It’s not that I’m not enjoying my time here, but that I am ready to start my healing. And to heal, I need to be in my home. The home that Ambrose and I chose together. The home where I can feel his presence, and begin to truly adjust to his absence.
And my brother will still be coming out to visit for my birthday weekend. That will be a good check in to see how I’m doing, and I’ll finally get my brother out to visit Idaho – I’ve been trying to get him to come out for years!
So, next week I will fly home. I will be taking some souvenirs from the house I grew up in, including a music stand that I think will come in very handy, and lots of photos.
I think that this interval in Chicago has been overall positive for me, though there have been challenges. Working from a laptop when one is used to working with two large monitors is no easy feat. And I had trouble initially communicating my needs.
It was also frustrating to learn that if I wanted to start therapy, I’d need to start in Chicago, and then find a new one in Idaho. Sure, some therapists are licensed for more than one state, but it turns out Illinois and Idaho don’t really have any overlappers. I’m consulting with an Idaho therapist later this week so hopefully I’ll have something set to for my return.
My body has been aching. I need to remember that the month of August (plus late July) was extremely hard on my body. Just like I’ve needed time to recover from strenuous backpacking trips, so too do I need to allow my body, mind, and soul recovery time from everything that happened.
I did get a massage this week. I wish I could get one every day. I can’t wait to go soak at Mundo Hot Springs and let some of these aches melt away.
I’m going to have a lot to do once I get home. But I won’t be alone. I’ve got neighbors nearby, friends and family across phone and internet lines. I know that I’m loved. And I will be okay, in time.