I slept pretty hard last night, but not very well. I took a sleeping pill because I wanted to get past the headache, as well as some over the counter pain killers. It was still throbbing, so I put my heating pad under my head and neck, and that eventually helped me fall asleep.
In the morning, the headache was gone. My body still ached where it had been, but the head pain was gone and I’m grateful for that. I think this headache might be triggered by using certain muscles; I think I got a similar one after my last massage. That would mean I’m getting migraines from both my hormonal cycle and the muscles in my back/shoulder/neck.
I dragged getting out of bed. I realized that I am feeling down, and that’s part of why I didn’t want to get up and shower. That helped me get up and shower anyway. The hot water felt nice.
Work was okay. I had a ton of meetings today, and I forgot about one so I was late, but then I contributed so I felt like I made up for being late. It was a big meeting so it wasn’t totally obvious that I wasn’t there, but I wish someone would have pinged me. I was just absorbed in doing other things and didn’t realize it was time.
I’m having a hard time. My emotions are all stirred up. I’m acknowledging that, and that it is okay. It is okay for me to feel emotional. I’m getting very close to the end of my probation, and I’m thinking every day about everything that led to me being on probation, which started with Ambrose’s death. I’m really focused on the fact that February 2nd is going to be 18 months since he died. I’m stirred up.
But I’m also feeling healthy again. And that means I can do something with the nervous energy inside me. I’m going to start walking again. Last January, I started doing walks every work day. A mile when I wake up to get me out of bed. A half mile at lunch to check the mail and get me moving midday. A mile after work to take advantage of the last of the light.
I did the half mile at lunch and the mile after work today, though I didn’t do it right after work. The inversion is still here, and sticking around until at least Friday, so there’s no point in going out right after work. Plus, it’s better to do some walking after eating, so I ate dinner first, and then went out for a walk. I brought my daypack and the Peruvian yellow pepper paste that I’d brought from Chicago for my neighbor, and texted with him to plan to stop by.
I really should have paused my run tracking app before I went inside, because I ended up staying and chatting for over 90 minutes. That was really good for me. To have some social time. His sister-in-law was visiting so I got to pet not just his dog Anya, but her dog Gidget. And she is also a widow, so that was comforting. It’s good for me to see other widows living life and keeping busy.
I had planned on doing some writing on my trip after my walk, but I’m going to end up going to bed instead. I’ll get some photo review done. I do want to get that trip write up done and then write about the ICT trip. It should be a book. Even though that will be hard for me to do without Ambrose. My plan has always been to write books on each ICT segment. A whole series of them. I can do it. I just need to choose it.