I woke closer to 3 than 4 this morning. I think I feel back asleep a little bit, but I don’t feel like I was getting good rest. I got up and did my morning walk at the alarm though.
I decided to have a little caffeine this morning, and I do think the green tea helped me feel more awake today than I did yesterday. Still tired, but not exhausted.
The 90 day suspension is over, but my lawyer doesn’t want me to reinstate it until after the court date, which hasn’t been scheduled yet. I’m going to have to bug my lawyer about getting that done. When I found that they hadn’t done anything about getting my charges updated or my court date scheduled I had a minor meltdown. I punched pillows and I screamed and I cried and cried.
I actually felt a bit better after all that. Calmer. Like I had finally let enough of it out to feel something resembling calm. Maybe it wasn’t calmness, but numbness. It got me through several afternoon work meetings anyway.
I cried again on my post-work walk, but only on the way down. I went so fast on the way up that I couldn’t cry. I actually finished my mile in under 17:30, which I didn’t expect. I really pushed myself on the uphill.
My car won’t start. I mean, it’s not like I can drive it right now, but I’ve neglected to run it regularly and now it won’t start at all. I don’t think it’s the battery though, because the electronics come on. I’m trying to warm the engine up by putting blankets on it. I tried to start it today with one blanket with a black sheet on top and it didn’t work. I’ve added one more blanket and will try again tomorrow when it’s warmest. If that doesn’t work, then I’ll call on a neighbor who is a car guy and see what he recommends.
I didn’t do dishes on family zoom today, but I did make and eat dinner. Macaroni and Cheese with green chile and garlic mixed with my beef and onions. Tasty. And I brewed up some kava tea. My therapist recommended trying kava for days like this when I might ordinarily turn to other substances. I don’t know yet if it’s having any effect. I added honey. It tastes spicy.
I don’t have any plans for tomorrow or the weekend. Other than getting my car started. Maybe I’ll go on a trike ride, see if I can take it up to Council along the Weiser River Trail. It feels colder when I’m triking than when I’m walking though. Have to see if the weather is going to warm up at all. I wish there was snow here. The south is hogging it all.
I changed my cellphone lockscreen and wallpaper to pictures of Ambrose. I like seeing him whenever I look at the phone.