Happy Birthday to me!
I got up at the alarm and did my regular morning routine. Brush teeth while alternating between calf raises and squats, wash hands and administer eye drop, go for a walk (with a raincoat because there was a touch of rain this morning), three sets of pushups, dips, and bar hangs, shower, breakfast, writing…
I’m in a good groove. I’m moving my body. I had a lot of emotions today. I wish that Ambrose were here to celebrate with me. I grieve that I am growing older and he is not here. I miss the little rituals we had together, especially today.
I worked until 3 today. It was nice to get off a little early. I used the time to do my Back & Core level 3 workout for the day. The week 1 workouts start with vacuum breathing holds, and those are getting easier the more that I do them. They’re intense.
Then I played some videogames and dithered about leaving to go out to dinner. I couldn’t figure out if the new place in town was open on Mondays online and there was no phone number listed anywhere to call, so I just drove into town, figuring I could just go to the place in Midvale if this place were closed. I drove by and saw the open sign lit, so I circled back and parked.
When I walked inside, instead of being greeted and seated, I was told that they were just about to close because their cook had just burned her hand badly. I feel kind of like the woman wanted to talk to me more, but I needed food. I said something like, dang, and turned around and left. And I had a bit of an emotional outburst in the car. Not their fault. Just my emotions bubbling up.
I had a great burger at the Country Coffee Cabin in Midvale, along with some minestrone soup, and lemonade. I also got a piece of cake to go so I could light some candles after choir.
I brought 44 cornflake treats to choir and ended up leaving with 6, so I’d say they were a hit. And folks knew that it was my birthday, so I got to have a choir sing Happy Birthday to me, which was absolutely lovely and special. One of my friends brought me a bouquet of flowers, which almost made me cry before we got started.
Overall, it was a very good way to end my birthday. I hope my tide of grief will recede a bit now that this milestone has passed. I know there will be other milestones coming. And the second set of holidays without him won’t necessarily be easier than the first.
I put candles on my cake and blew them out. I thought about a wish, but didn’t make one, because there’s only one wish I have and it’s impossible. The cake was delicious, a raspberry and vanilla cake with raspberry jam filling and coconut frosting.
