Today was a bad day and a good day.
I had plans. To wake up at the alarm and start the radio so I would be out of bed and moving. To work. To do therapy. To plant the daffodils my neighbor gave me. To go to the hot springs.
The day got off on the wrong foot when my body woke me a full hour before the alarm. I was left in a state of indecision. Should I just get up and start the day, or should I try to sleep to the alarm? I couldn’t fall back asleep and ended up laying there until the alarm. Then I executed my plan to put on the radio and eat breakfast.
I went to work. I got some things done. But I felt like terrible. My body felt like I’d been in a fight.
I had my therapy appointment. We talked over more strategies. One thing that came up that I’m trying to noodle with is the idea of allowing the part of me that is in so much pain windows of opportunity. Make sure that when I’m working, that sad part knows that I’m not shoving it into a box never to be let out. That there is always going to be time to listen to that part, but that time can’t always be right now. Kind of like that part is a toddler, and I need to ease its separation anxiety. I’m hoping to use that to be able to focus a little better at work.
I paid most of the medical bills that had piled up between Ambrose’s death and my subsequent trauma.
My neighbor stopped by twice, once with some mail that had been mislaid, and again with some mulch I could use to cover the ground after I planted my daffodils (that she also gave me). The weather was wet today, with morning showers. I went outside and did my best to plant those daffodils in a circle around my lilac (that the same neighbor also gave me – I like her). Then I covered the ground with the mulch. I’ll be covering the lilac with mulch before it starts frosting, but I left it uncovered for now.
And then I got myself to the hot springs. When Ambrose and I would go, we’d rarely stay longer than 30 or 40 minutes. But the neighbors that I met there like to stay the full two hours, and I found myself enjoying the conversation enough to stay along with them. It was an evening of very good company, and I was feeling good by the time I got home.
Tomorrow will be another day.