I tried so hard to get good sleep last night. I took a sleeping pill around 9:30 pm, and started getting ready for bed around 10:10. I didn’t have to shower, so it didn’t take long. But I found myself in bed, not sleeping. My heating pad wouldn’t warm up. My right leg felt uncomfortable. I did eventually fall asleep, though I don’t know when that happened. And then I woke up before the alarm. I’m not sure how much before, but it felt like a long time.
I ended up feeling very tired when I got out of bed after doing my meditation. And I then went to shower, because I’m giving this morning showering thing a good trial run. I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for breakfast along with a small can of Coke. I figured I’d need the caffeine to face the day, but my tummy has been upset all day. It’s been bubbling and burning and hurting. The caffeine may have been the wrong choice. I used to think that it was the acid from coffee that made my tummy hurt, but it seems to be caffeine specifically. At least, right now.
Despite being tired and having a bad tummy day, emotionally, I’ve felt pretty calm. Still tearing up when I think of Ambrose or talk to him, but I haven’t felt the need to scream today.
Still not reading or listening to news. That’s going to become a thing. Right now, news takes too much of my energy. I don’t know when I’ll be able to plug back in, but it’s going to take more than a week.
I continued my work on Level 2 of the Knee/Foot/Ankle program. I’m trying to get into a rhythm of doing the exercises right after work, but when I got back to working until 5 next week, I may have to change things up. It’s all about adapting. Tomorrow, I’ll do the short workout since I’ll have the hot springs. And I’ve got a “date” to go to the trash transfer station with a neighbor tomorrow after work as well.
Another neighbor stopped by to say hello. She was friends with the former owner of my house, which is how I got connected. She also brought me soup, so I’m looking forward to eating some of that tonight. I was planning on a mostly liquid dinner anyway, and I do like soup.
It’s good to do music practice. Focused on the concert for now, with singing and flute playing. But I hope to cultivate a habit of practicing music that lasts beyond the concert. I like making music, and I want to get better at ukulele and guitar and piano.
The clouds have been incredible all day. Just beauty after beauty, with dark clouds and light ones. Dancing with the sunshine. It’s bittersweet, because whenever I see something beautiful, I can’t wait to show it to Ambrose. For seventeen years, I’ve been going to him with everything. Sharing my life with him completely. From the mundane to the mystical. I believe he is with me, and that he has shared all these beautiful views with me.