Ambrose first told me he was dying in 2015. I believe, now, that knowledge was a major contributing factor in the tummy issues I’ve been having since then. And I believe that my body is now healing. Going back to a state of digestion that does not include so much stress. And that healing process is painful.
All that to say that my sleep was disturbed last night. I felt like I had to pee badly enough to wake up on the hour starting at 3 am. But I didn’t really need to pee. I needed to poop, but the poop wasn’t ready to come out. Just ready to irritate my bladder.
I did my meditation before the alarm clock this time. But still found it hard to get moving this morning. I did a protein shake for breakfast because I couldn’t face making food. I really need to figure out a better breakfast system. It’s hard for me to do systems right now. But I’m starting to crave routine. In time, I’ll have the energy to give myself the routines that I want.
Work went okay today. There was some snow this morning, but the weather was sunny when I went to get the mail at lunch.
After work, the neighbor I’d chatted with yesterday did indeed stop by with a plate of dinner from their early Thanksgiving last night. It was a good dinner, and enough for breakfast tomorrow. And it was really good to see her and chat with her. I cried after simply because of the kindness. It’s like my heart is so raw that when someone touches it I can’t help but cry.
Today is the last choir rehearsal. Next Monday is the practice concert at the Salubria Center (senior living home). And then dress rehearsal the Friday after that and the show itself on 12/8. I’m not looking forward to the end of choir, but I am looking forward to performing in the show. Especially the flute playing, which is so much fun to return to after all these years.
I hope I can get some decent sleep tonight. It’s felt like a long day and I haven’t been to rehearsal yet.