I woke up this morning feeling absolutely beat. My body was aching and cramping and the headache was threatening to come back. My dreams had been odd and chaotic but not memorable. Not clear.
I managed to get moving, but I did not get a morning walk done. I did walk to check my mail during the lunch hour. It was foggy most of the day, with moments of clear weather followed by more fog. I enjoyed the fog of the day.
During work, someone chatted asking about if I would participate in a holiday thing even though AI was being used to generate it. I don’t hide the fact that I do not trust or like AI. But when I thought about the question, the answer was simply that I am not up for any sort of holiday stuff. December is hitting me too hard, and I told them that I would not be able to participate regardless of AI. And then I bawled because articulating the fact that this month is heavy for me was enough to get me crying (then and now, writing about it). I had to try and let it out and then suck it up because I had a meeting about 3 minutes later. I drank a cold sparkling water to help calm myself for the meeting.
After work, I was making myself some pasta to have with the meat sauce that I’d defrosted, and the blinds were glowing pink. I stepped outside to find the most beautiful of skies. Glowing orange and gold, soft pinks, accents of white cloud and dark. The fog was barely below me, and rising. The sight of it calmed my heart. I thought about how if Ambrose were here, he’d be snuggled up behind me while we watched the colors painting the sky.
After dinner, I made my way slowly to the hot springs. The fog was thick on the road, and I went very slowly to be safe. But it was totally worth the effort to get there. I had a good soak and had a nice conversation with a young couple from Council, plus one of my fellow regulars. I ended up staying until 8, which is unusual for me. But good conversation will do that. My body felt good as I made my slow way back home in the fog.
I’m getting everything done that I need to get done. I’m making my way through this heavy time. I’m crying a lot, which helps. It’s a release. I hope I get up early enough to walk tomorrow morning. I’ll have to get to bed now if I want to do that.
