Happy Birthday to Ambrose. This is the second time his birthday has passed since he died. It feels unfair. He would have been 65 today.
I could have slept in more than I did, because the weather was too foul to go to the zoo. A steady rain throughout the morning. The heavens were mourning with me and for me.
My Dad helped keep me occupied today. Instead of the zoo, we went to the Art Institute. We went there last year, too, but we didn’t see everything and there’s always new stuff rotating in. I enjoyed myself there.
Then we met up with my brother at my dad’s work apartment. My dad wants us to take some stuff. I chose some jewelry that was my mom’s, and I want her old elephant piggy bank. Otherwise, we didn’t make too many decisions. He showed us some old family photographs, including a few from his first birthday.
And then we made our way to the United Center for the Blackhawks game. I know that the Blackhawks are historically not well matched against the Penguins, and I didn’t anticipate a win, but damn. We lost by a lot and there was no point in the game where it felt close. Still, the hawks did score a few times so it wasn’t a goose egg. I’ll take that. Hopefully next year, if they’re playing on the 28th, they’ll be playing a team they can be competitive with.
I haven’t really let myself feel today. It’s a sad day. My brother tried to offer up one of those platitudes about at least I had time with Ambrose, but I didn’t take kindly to that. I’d rather distraction than platitudes. I know the platitudes. They don’t offer comfort at this point. They’re just annoying.
There’s a part of me that wants to rant and scream, but there’s no appropriate venue for me to do that here. I’m saving it up for when I get home. I can compartmentalize myself a bit. Spend time with family and really enjoy that, and then let the grief surge through me when I get home. Like holding the ball underwater and then letting it surface. Sploosh. I can handle that.
I had a calendar reminder pop up that we should be signing Ambrose up for Medicare tomorrow. I wonder how many other things I put on the calendar for my future with him.
