Another night of poor sleep. I woke around 3:30 and had a hard time falling back asleep. No dreams that I can remember. And I was so tired when I got up. I’ve felt tired all day.
I did get my walking done, but i didn’t do the full hill. A concession to feeling not so great with the period. It’s starting to get light earlier. Won’t be long before I need to walk earlier or put on sunscreen.
There’s more snow on the mountains today. I hope there’s more to come. I want it to snow where I am, but I’ll settle for snow on the mountains. If I hike on Saturday, then I’ll either check out the snow or do that lower elevation loop again.
I had several meetings today, but tomorrow is nearly solid with meetings. I’m not going to be able to rearrange my schedule to attend the Move U Office Hours this time. But I might still have a sandwich for lunch, because I’m running low on frozen veggies to put in my ramen. They’re on the shopping list for this weekend.
I cried on my lunch hour walk, and my after dinner walk. The waves of grief are rising, for whatever reason. Swamping me. I took a bath tonight, and afterwards I was howling, bawling, and screaming. I feel like I’ve been holding myself back and now I’m paying the price for stuffing down those emotions.
As I get closer to the end of my probation, time seems to crawl. I don’t know what to do with myself. I keep trying to get myself to do the work that I want to do, but by the time I’ve forced myself through my job I have little motivation left. Maybe I need to embrace this for now. Stop trying to be productive and just get through.
