More wild dreams last night. Not nightmares, but … stressful situations. Urgent situations. Like trying to drive a truck to get away from some evil force but I can’t find the gas pedal or the brake. I’m too short to drive the truck and I can’t move the seat forward. People getting trapped and transformed.
I got back into my routine in the morning. Right out of bed and on my walk. The only kink in my plan happened because my headlamp was already out of charge. It must have gotten turned on in my pocket. Or it’s gone bad, which would be a shame because it’s not that old. I have a flasher light that is kind of old, and that has also been failing to hold a charge, so I was going to have nothing on my rear. There’s not a lot of traffic at 6 am on my road, but I like to have something behind me just in case. So I got an old headlamp that still had juice and put on the twenty pound weight vest that Ambrose bought last year. It’s got reflectors front and back, so that would allow me to be more visible.
The fog was thick this morning, so I wasn’t all that visible. And I saw the usual one vehicle, but they headed out before I passed that driveway.
I’ve been having a lot of emotions today. I think I’m stressed out about my court date on Thursday even though I know exactly what to expect. Or at least, what the outcome is going to be. It’s going to be a year of continuing to think about what happened to me after his death. A year of focusing on the fact that just because I’m being punished does not mean that I did anything wrong.
I continued week 2 of the level 2 Head and Neck program. Did my walk at lunch; no mail. After work, I decided to wear light clothing for my mile walk. It succeeded in preventing me from becoming a sweaty mess after the walk, but it was also less protection against my friendly neighborhood corgi. I like that dog, but I wish he’d jump a little less. My pants ended up covered in muddy paw prints.
I’ve been playing video games to keep from letting the emotions boil over. I wish I could drink some booze, but I know that’s off the table for me. And I’d really regret it the next day when the hangover appeared. Got to remember how much I hate hangovers.
I just want to be done with it. I hope I’ll feel better after Thursday. I get to talk to my therapist tomorrow, so that should help.
I was able to do my job today, so that’s good. I fed myself, did some dishes. I even made my bed. Even with all the emotions, I am doing okay. I am getting through this. I am strong enough to get through this.
