I didn’t end up taking anything to help me sleep last night. And I did get to sleep and get to dreaming without chemical assistance, but I did NOT want to get out of bed this morning. I even snoozed the alarm for 5 minutes, which I try to avoid doing. I might have been tempted to snooze more, but I dropped my phone under the bed, so I had to get up to silence it. And then it was just a matter of taking the next step.
That’s how I got through my half mile walk (reduced distance because my leg was still aching pretty badly), and how I got ready for work. A tool that my therapist gave me. I just need to take the next step, and the next step, and the next step.
I tried a different chair set up at work. A long time ago, I bought one of those kneeling chairs. I stopped using it because the padding was too thin, but it seemed to do okay today. I might add some more padding if I keep using it. I figured that the aching leg might be soothed by a change in position.
I was feeling overwhelmed today. I kept having to pull myself back from emotional outbursts, so I decided to take one of the anti-anxiety meds I got prescribed back in October. Seemed like the kind of day to make use of the resources that I have. I can still work while on the medication, though I wouldn’t want to be driving. My head’s a bit floaty, but my job doesn’t require the kind of attention and split-second decision making that driving does.
I’m posting a bit early today because I have the concert viewing event this evening. I’ll need to get my Move U done either right quick after I finish posting this or when I get back. Better to at least start before I leave if I can. I think I’ll be getting back close to 9:30 or 10, and I’ll want to be getting right to bed. I am looking forward to going. It will be good to see some people and have an evening of music and conviviality.
I know that I need to feel my grief still. I need to feel the emotions as they come. I think I’ve been tired lately because I’ve been pushing through, shutting down the emotions so that I can do the work I need to do. And then they get stronger and they need to get out. Last week was stressful, and I think that I was on a bit of a high, but over the weekend, my boat sank low again. And today the water’s were swamping me.