I had some interesting dreams, though I didn’t remember them all. I slept a lot, which I needed. And when I woke up, I went for a mile walk. I don’t know if I’ll be able to maintain that habit while I’m in South Carolina, but I can maintain it while I’m still here.
The day started out strong. I got to see more of my family than I usually get to, though the zoom was sparsely attended. Still, it was nice to see a few faces I don’t often get to. I followed that with some video games and then I went into my office to get my two hours in. That’s when the crying jags started. On and off the rest of the day. Emotions are boiling up inside me and I’m feeling a lot today.
I gathered photos of Ambrose to take on the trip. I packed a handful of ashes to bring. Both of these things were hard for me. So hard that I got a migraine, and I couldn’t get around to packing my clothes. I barely got my exercises done, and rather than doing the week 5 exercises I’d planned on, I just did some breathing on the floor. Which helped for a bit, but now I’m upset again.
I mostly did my taxes today. I don’t think I did them well. The federal has been filed, but Idaho won’t let me file electronically because my husband died last year. So I need to get both returns printed out and send them into the Idaho Tax Commission via certified mail. I hope to get that done before I leave for South Carolina. I should be able to print the stuff out at the library tomorrow after work, and then mail the thing Tuesday during my lunch hour. In theory.
If my color gets called tomorrow, maybe I can print my stuff out at the Weiser library since the Cambridge one would be closed by the time I got home. If my color gets called on Tuesday, I don’t know what I’ll do. I have work obligations. I guess I’ll call the probation officer. I haven’t heard back from my lawyer all day about the documentation and my questions about when I’ll be getting off of supervision. If I don’t hear tomorrow morning, I’ll call.
I feel like I don’t know what I’m doing. Where I’m going. I have to remember that what I’m doing is healing. I’m still healing. This is not an easy or short journey that I’m on. I just had to put a lot of my emotions on hold for the month of March so I could make it through those community service hours, and I’m experiencing the ball bursting out of the water. It’s normal and natural. And it hurts.
I’m glad I got my work done today so I don’t have to work early or late tomorrow or Tuesday. I made three dinners this evening, so I have dinner set and ready to heat for the next two days. I have to put those in the fridge! I’ve got to get my tax return printed and mailed in before I leave. I have to pack. I have to bug my lawyer. But right now, I have to sleep. I hope I can sleep tonight.