I did sleep okay last night. I’m pretty sure I dreamed, but I don’t really recall about what. My sleep felt shallow and disturbed.
I woke to an email from my lawyer asking for an urgent phone call that still somehow could wait for the afternoon. It sent me into a panic and I shot off emails and texts to try and make sure there was nothing wrong with my getting off of supervision. I thought maybe he was going to tell me that I couldn’t before half the sentence, which is typical. Thankfully, I heard back from one person I texted so I was able to get through the morning okay.
The call with my lawyer was not what I expected, and I’m not going to write much more about it here. It ended with me feeling extremely frustrated and confused at why my advocating for myself was such a problem. I was so upset that I needed to talk to someone. I called my Dad, no answer (he was in a deposition). Claudia, no answer. David, no answer. And so, even though he might not understand the legal stuff as much as my parents, I called my father-in-law. He listened and helped me reach enough equilibrium that I was able to continue on with the meetings I had in my workday.
I did end up talking to both my Dad and Claudia later in the afternoon. They sympathized with what was going on, and Claudia said my lawyer was lucky she was far away. I’m still full of emotion now, even though I got some exercise done. I’m going to go for a walk after I post this, and maybe take a short bath before bed.
The good news is that they did file the motion to get me off of supervision since I’ve completed everything I was required to complete. I may be off of it this week. Which would be such a relief. I wouldn’t have to worry about my job security from these absences for drug testing mainly.
After work, I went to the library to print out my state tax return. Because my spouse died in the year I’m filing for, Idaho won’t allow me to e-file. It’s like, great, I’m doing my own taxes for the first time in 15 years, and I have to mail them in. But the library was a nice place to be for a bit. Rain started pounding down while I was inside. Coming up, down and sideways, as the librarian said.
It slowed as I was driving home, and when I made the last turn to my road, I was struck by the sight of a double rainbow. I stopped my car to take pictures from that view, knowing it would change or even disappear if I tried to wait until I got home. It felt like a sign. A blessing. No matter what happens, everything is going to be alright. Even if I get called tomorrow and have to push myself to the limit to get tested. Even if, for some reason, getting off supervision is delayed.
Ambrose is watching over me. Helping me. Things are hard right now, but they won’t be this hard forever. The rainbow is waiting.
