Today is eleven months.
I went to my primary care physician yesterday morning to follow up on my head injury from last week, and they wanted me to not use any screens for the rest of that day, so I did not even post a blog. I took the rest of the day off of work, and I only used my cellphone for a very little – such as to email my boss that I would not be coming into work. I spent the day resting my eyes and hydrating, as the nurse practitioner reminded me that the brain is mostly water.
That was after I asked about what risks I took if I decided to go backpacking this weekend. I was dreading that I might be told it would be too risky to go, but she said as long as I stayed hydrated and avoided additional head injuries, I should be fine. It really is a mild concussion. I’m pretty good at staying hydrated out in the woods. Long habit and practice of making sure that I’m peeing “clear and copious,” thanks to Ambrose. Dehydration has gotten me into trouble out there before, so I assiduously avoid it now.
It was strange for me to leave the television off. I’m so used to using it as a way of making the house seem less empty. Background noise. I listened to audiobooks, but it’s not quite the same.
When I got back from Weiser, I went to the bathroom to discover that what I had thought was cramping left from the bout of food poisoning was instead cramping from my period having arrived with no notice. I was expecting it around this time, but I didn’t get the usual warning signs of spotting. The cramps have been bad, yesterday and today. Especially on the left, where they’re radiating from back to front.
I continued with my post-concussion trend of doing breathing for my Move U exercises yesterday and today. It doesn’t really help with the pain, but it helps me handle the pain. To focus on breathing through specific areas, slowly and with control.
Yesterday, my shower wouldn’t go hotter than lukewarm, and I figured out why this morning. My water heater was determined to stay in vacation mode. Some kind of miscommunication between the app and the machine. I had to turn off the wifi to get it to stay in heat mode, but it was worth it for a hot shower this morning.
After the intense rest and hydration yesterday, I was able to put in a full day’s work today. I made sure to take breaks at least once an hour to not look at my computer screen for a spell. That helped. And I’m just recovering in general, which is nice. The head hasn’t been hurting today.
My heart, on the other hand, has been aching. I can’t believe I’m almost a year without him. I’m getting ready to go on my first backpacking trip without him. Completely without him, as he’d always help me prep for my solo trips. He’d drive me to the trailhead and pick me up at the end, or be there when I got back if it was an out and back. He would watch me prep and pack, offering advice sometimes, and encouragement often.
I had thought to drive out to the trailhead tonight and get an early start in the morning, but I decided to drive in the morning instead. I don’t feel like spending a night at the trailhead when there’s no toilet there and I’m still feeling a bit weak in my digestion. Over the last few days, I’ve been pulling my gear and putting it on the couch where he used to sit. His side. Today, after work, I finally got it all checked off and packed up.
Over the years, I’ve developed a checklist for my packing. This ensures that I’m missing nothing vital. I tried to get Ambrose to use a checklist after he forgot vital things a few times, but he never got into it. With trying to limit screen time, I wrote it out longhand this time. I did check the written out against the electronic version this morning, but I used the paper instead of the screen to actually do my packing.
I’m always amazed at how such a bit pile of stuff can compress into a single pack. Though I definitely don’t have my packing magic going just yet. The pack looks overfull to my eyes, but I know that getting it right takes a few repacks at the start of the season – that’s why I wanted to do the shakedown trip first. But I managed to keep the weight decent, at 27 pounds. And that includes a camera and a GoPro and a battery pack and a GPS along with my InReach Mini communicator. The electronics do add up.
As I was still gathering items, I went outside to look at the clouds, which were in fine form, and feel the wind, which was blowing fiercely. I could see rain over by the canyon. Then, when I was nearly done packing, I heard rain start to tap tap on my own roof. I went outside and reveled in the big, cool drops. Then I rounded the corner of my house and saw a rainbow. A few more steps revealed a double rainbow, arcing over the sky and touching down by one of my neighbors. I stood outside for a while as it rained, watching the double rainbow and hugging myself and thinking how Ambrose would have stood outside in the rain with me, just for the joy of it, for the magic of it.
I’m all packed up and ready to go. It will be two to three hours of driving to get to the trailhead. I won’t be in a rush. I’ll want to stay hydrated on the drive. I’ll eat breakfast and shower and probably stop for a decaf Americano with cream at the local coffee stand. Maybe a pastry. Then I’ll head on out to the woods. I’ll bring myself to our lakes, and Ambrose will be with me.
