I discovered a splinter in my big left toe in the bath last night. It must have been there for a while, because I had to work quite a bit on the softened skin with my tweezers before I could get it out. It came out in three or four pieces, but I think I got it all. I heard some thumping noises when I was getting out of the bath, so I went to look around the house. I looked out front and saw the sky was putting on a show for sunset, so I had to run and get my phone to take some pictures.
Then I went to bed. I think the hot bath helped me fall asleep, though I did also remember to take melatonin. I’ll do that again tonight. In the morning, I stayed in bed for a while after waking up. I did breathing exercises for my Move U. And then I meditated, in my way.
Work wasn’t easy, but it was busy. I was walking my newest employee through our term opening tasks in preparation for opening new terms for admission on Friday. There are some things we can do in advance, and some things that will be done on Friday. But that was most of my morning. And most of the afternoon was meetings.
At lunch, I decided to try something that I’d discussed with a friend at Big Creek. I know that I can improve my ramen’s meal quality by adding frozen veggies. I’ve had the veggies on hand for quite some time to do jus that. But when I tried it the first time, it diluted the flavor of my preferred ramen (Maruchan creamy chicken), and I didn’t like that. So, when I went shopping yesterday, I picked up a regular beef flavor. Today, I added a full serving of veggies to that and I was okay with the flavor.
After work, I thought I had forgotten to move my laundry from the washer to the dryer, which can result in stinkiness if I leave it too long. Fortunately, I’d actually forgotten to start the washer, so I got it running and wrote myself a note so I wouldn’t forget to move the clothes from washer to dryer after the hot springs.
I had lentil soup from a can for dinner, and then I got ready to go to the hot springs. I had them to myself for a little while after I arrived. The hot tub was nearly too hot. It was too hot to linger in, for sure. I kept moving back and forth between the hot tub and the big pool while I read. I brought an NA beer as well as a fizzy water with me this time. Usually I just bring one or the other, but I figured I’d want to hydrate more in the heat. I engaged in some casual chit chat with others once other showed up, but I haven’t seen the regulars that I talked to about Ambrose’s death in quite some time. This is the last week the hot springs will be open for a while. After Sunday, they won’t open again until the 28th.
I’m thinking I might try and drive out to a hike-in hot spring outside of Council one of the weekends that they are closed. I’ve been meaning to check it out for a while. But not this weekend, or the next, or the next. I’ll be busy with travel for my next backpacking trip.
When I left the hot springs, I felt a heaviness in my lower abdomen and thought it might be gas. It was cramps. I knew that the period would be coming this week, but it’s a bit earlier than I expected. I thought it would come on Friday or Saturday. I’m low on Aleve; I need to buy some more. Maybe I’ll ask a neighbor to get me some next time they go to Costco. I hope I can dig up enough to get me through tomorrow, possibly from Ambrose’s backpacking kit. The first day is always the worst.
I took no photos on this day last year. I don’t know if I’m glad of that or not. I’m seeing him anyway, in my mind. Yesterday there was a picture of the breakfast I ate at the hospital cafeteria with my aunt. On the 26th, a recording I made of the sound of his tortured breathing. I know, coming up, there will be pictures of him in the hospital bed that my father-in-law took. Photos that I remember not wanting to look at when I started losing touch with reality in the week following his death.
I’m working on my story. A story of his death and what happened after, as well as what happened before. I can only do it in spurts. I found it easier to do the work outside. I’m trying to decide if I’m going to camp out at all this weekend. I want to be outside. But I also want to go to the fair and see if my photos did well – and if they didn’t, then I want to know what photos were judged better. I want to get a snow cone, like Ambrose and I did when we went to our first and only fair together. I’ve been living in Idaho for nearly 20 years and I still haven’t been to a rodeo, so maybe I’ll go on Thursday or Friday or Saturday.
But first, I’ve got a package to pick up at the end of my drive, and then it’s time to go to bed. I’ve just got to keep moving forward, keep taking those steps, those breaths. I’m still alive and I get to find out what’s next.