I had a very hard time getting out of bed this morning. When I did get moving, I did my walk to the mailbox, but didn’t get much else done. I didn’t even shower. Just got breakfast and got ready for work.
Lots of meetings today at work. Hard to get through those. Especially when they came back to back. I just wanted a break. To step away and not think about work. Time to cry, but there wasn’t much time for that today.
I did exercises during lunch/release time. I worked up enough of a sweat that I decided to go ahead and shower, so I did shower today.
A storm’s been rolling in since I got off work. The trees were being whipped around, but now they’re pretty still. I wonder if it’s the calm before the storm or the eye.
I can’t believe it’s been nearly a year. It doesn’t feel real. All this time that I’ve been alive and he hasn’t been. It feels so wrong.
As I’d hoped, I was able to do my dishes while I was on zoom with my family. My dad asked at one point what they could do to help, and I told them they already had because my dish situation was getting out of hand, but being on the zoom helps me get the washer loaded. It’s running now, still. It’s an older model, but at least it’s not like the one we had at the apartment in Boise. That one was LOUD. It could keep me awake at night.
My dad and step-mom signed off, but I stayed on with my brother and my niece. It was good to chat with them. I got a movie recommendation to watch Kpop Demon Hunters. It’s on my list.
My period hasn’t been too terrible today. Though I’ve kept up with taking Aleve and I’m currently marinating under a heating pad. I’ll sleep with one tonight as well. I no longer need to use those to sleep every night, but when the period rolls around, I plug it back in.
I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow night. I could go to the fair. I could go out and camp somewhere. I could sleep in my yard instead of my bed. I could just stay home and not do anything at all. I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know what’s going to feel right. Maybe disconnecting would be good. What would Ambrose do?
