I woke around 5 again and stayed in bed until the alarm. But then I got up and got moving. I walked to check yesterday’s mail while it was still relatively cool outside, and then I did my Move U exercises. I restarted week 6 of Shoulders & Arms level 2. I have some strength to build with push ups and dips. Then a shower, breakfast, and getting ready for work.
I don’t know what kind of tricks my brain decided to play on me, but I think it must have had reason for what happened. I thought I was meeting with this one direct report until 10:30 for some reason, and I didn’t want to short change her. But our meeting ended at 10, because that’s when my therapy was supposed to begin. I didn’t realize that until like 10:20, by which time my therapist had cancelled out my appointment completely. I reached out, but did not hear back. It was too late.
Now, I had been looking forward to that appointment, but once I got over being mad at myself for being an idiot, I realized that it might have been a good sign. If I was able to focus so much on work that I literally forgot about an appointment, then maybe the appointment wasn’t that important to me. Maybe it’s a sign from my brain that I am, for now, done with therapy. Due to scheduling, unless I have need, the next regular appointment won’t be until August 20th. And I think I might just cancel that one, and only reach out if I do end up having the need.
Because even while I was looking forward to the appointment, because I like to talk through my life, I didn’t have any questions for her. Nothing has been going wrong in my life that I don’t, at this point, know how to handle. I’m continuing to move through my life in grief. His death is still a wound, and someday it will be a very tender scar.
The work day went by quickly. I’ve been feeling a bit lightheaded. I was so looking forward to going to the hot springs this evening, but when I got there, I was told it was reserved for a private party. I drove home, dry and disappointed. I might go Friday, or maybe Saturday or Sunday. I’ve got family zoom tomorrow.
My bird friend was back on the AC unit today. This morning, my app identified a common nighthawk’s calls, and I think I saw two of them flitting about the sky.
It’s windy this evening. I haven’t gotten much done. Other than putting up the laundry, finally. And I did air out my down items. I want to clean off my sleeping pad before the next trip. I’m thinking of doing an REI trip this weekend to Boise, but I haven’t decided for sure to do Saturday or Sunday. My friend’s house in Boise has bugs, so I probably don’t want to be spending the night. Bugs in the woods are one thing; bugs in a house are different.
Though I have been noticing a five legged spider recently in one of my bathrooms. I think I saw it last year when it had eight legs.
I’m trying to focus on each day rather than the looming one year anniversary. I have things to do. Things to prepare for my next backpacking trip, which will include car camping at the end. And staying with my friend at the beginning. I’ve got to prepare my gear, including my boots which are falling apart. I saw that my boots are being discontinued. I’m tempted to buy another pair before they go away, but they’ll be coming out with something new. Maybe I want that instead.
I’m going to try and do dishes tomorrow. I’m going to try and cook up some spaghetti sauce. I’ve got ground beef thawing.
I just need to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Take a breath, and take another.