Well, sleeping outside on a work night was fine. I didn’t end up getting out of bed with any more or less alacrity than if I were sleeping inside. There was a bit of rain last night and this morning, so it’s good that I left the rainfly up. And there was more rain today, so I’m glad I left it in place today.
I did get up and do my exercises this morning. Felt good to get some pushup and dip work in. I’m still not strong enough to do those without assistance (incline for the pushups, foot assist for the dips), but I’m feeling stronger as I work in good positions. I know that it will just take time and effort to build those muscles. I’ve also added a 20 second dead hang to my warm up since I want to build my pullup strength back up as well.
I’ve felt kind of low today. Not really depressed, but a little sad. Not crying, but not feeling very happy. Work was hard to get through even though I didn’t have very many meetings. Or maybe because I didn’t? But I got things done. I made some good progress on my query report that I want to finish prototyping this week before I head out to the wilds next week.
My drinking flask for backpacking has acquired a funky smell. I washed it and dried it twice and it was still smelly, so now I’m letting vinegar sit in it for a bit. I should probably rinse and drain it before I go to bed.
After work, I drove into town. I had to stop at the fairgrounds to pick up my pictures. One of them did have a blue star on the tag, so maybe that means some kind of recognition, which is nice. Then I filled up my tank. I’ll try to do the next fill up at the casino outside of Lewiston. Lower gas taxes on the reservation. Then I stopped at the grocery store to see if they had snack size baggies, which they did. So I picked up a box of those for splitting my lunches and also some more breakfast sandwiches, because my current supply was going to run out Friday, and I don’t want to have to worry about picking up more after next week’s trip.
I’m slowly moving forward with preparation steps for my trip. I know that the slow will speed up as the week goes on. This week, I don’t have the hot springs on Wednesday, so that frees up some time.
I thought my phone had gotten rid of some of the pictures of Ambrose in the hospital, and the videos I took of the doctors explaining various things, but they’ve been showing up on my “this day in pictures” on the wrong days. Today I got the video of the brain death testing, which is really more audio, I was filming the inside of my pocket. And that happened on August 1st last year. When it didn’t show up on 8/1, I thought I might have deleted all those reminders during the time I don’t remember. But instead, it’s the timestamps that have been messed with. That, I put on Ambrose. He’s been doing sneaky stuff like that.
It’s interesting. Today, I had the thought that this isn’t fair. And then I remembered that the relationship I entered into with Ambrose back in 2007 was deliberately not fair. By design and agreement, it was an unfair relationship. Why should the ending be any different than the beginning?
I’m going to sleep outside again tonight. It just feels right. And I can only linger in bed so long when there’s a rooster alarm that I can’t snooze.
a beautiful morning
a stormy evening
