I trusted myself and headed for the oil change 8 am appointment. The morning was quite foggy, and I went slower than the speed limit on several stretches of fog covered road. I was nervous about the possibility of a deer jumping out in front of me, but I had no animal encounters. At one point, the air cleared all the way up to the full moon, illuminating everything so brightly that it felt like a shock when I drove back into the fog.
The appointment was for 8, and it was the location in Idaho, not Oregon. They have a new computer scheduling system, and there are kinks. The service didn’t take too long. I was pleased to see that they’d topped up my tire air, because they’d been low since about October.
When I got home, I took a shower, and then got right into making my cookie dough. It needs to cool in the fridge for at least four hours, and I didn’t have a chance to make it on Thursday or Friday for an overnight chill. I had a protein bar at the dealership along with a cup of coffee, but I didn’t eat before I made my dough.
By the time it was finished, I was quite hungry, but didn’t feel like eating. I knew I wanted do a trash run, but I just couldn’t get myself to do food or trash. Or walk to check the mail. I’ve been very much in my feelings today. I’m feeling low, like the grief is just rolling up on me. I wish Ambrose could be at the concert tomorrow.
I never thought to make the kolaches until Ambrose asked if I knew how to make them. And I looked them up and found that they weren’t that complicated. I told someone yesterday that I’d buy these cookies if they were available anywhere nearby, but they don’t make them around here so I make them myself. Ambrose loved them.
I did finally get myself to the transfer station to drop off my trash, and then I stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things. I decided to buy a jam rather than use my fancy jams for the cookies. The fancy jams are for my sandwiches. Maybe I’ll make another batch of kolaches with the spicy jam, but I’m not going to hand those out for the concert and shock someone with a spicy cookie.
It took me a while after I got back home to get started on the cookies. I’ve just been having such a difficult time overcoming inertia today. My niece sent me a video about an old Idaho town and I turned it on and that got me moving on the cookies.
I had some issues with the cookies not seeming to cook correctly. It was like the oven wasn’t at the right temperature. I’m not sure what happened, but when I tried to set it to a different temperature it seemed to be lower than it should be. But I just left the cookies in longer and got them to a good bake. They’re all cooled and sugared now. I’ll finish packing them up for the concert tomorrow. My double recipe gives me about 45, and I only need to take in 36 so I’ve got a few for myself, including the last ones baked which tend to be flatter and less attractive, though still delicious.
I did walk to get my mail in the afternoon. There were some beautiful clouds and even a rainbow, but I still cried most of the walk. I’ve thought about reaching out to someone but I don’t know what to say. I’m sad? The one person I want to reach out to is dead. I can ask myself what he would tell me. But just that thought makes me cry.
