My brother and I went to the bar where my sister-in-law was bartending for the new year’s countdown. I had some NA beers and met some of their friends. And at midnight, I cried. I couldn’t help it.
He’s been gone for a full calendar year. I’ve been without him for a full calendar year. He’s not coming back to me. I have to figure all this out by myself. Figure out the rest of my life.
I’m glad that I wasn’t alone. My brother being there was good. And no one celebrating noticed me crying. He put his hand on my head and then my shoulder and I grabbed his hand for a moment. I tried to shove it down. But even now it’s bubbling up as I write this.
Today was overall a good day. We went to my uncle’s house in the suburbs and had a wonderful meal, followed by socializing and some games. Then music and more conversation. I enjoyed connecting with my cousins that were there. We don’t get to see each other very often.
That paragraph doesn’t really do it justice, but that’s what I have in me to write right now. I’m not feeling very well at the moment. My tummy is going through an upset. I’m ready to be home. Where I can use the bathrooms without worrying about anyone else using them or making a stink. Heck, I have my choice of bathroom at home.
I enjoyed spending time with my family, but I’m also going to enjoy getting to be alone again. Getting to control the temperature of my living space. Being able to do my own routine again. My sleep schedule is so busted right now…