Today is the last day I get part-time work from FMLA for my grieving. Tomorrow I’ll be working a full day. Not a full 8 hours, because I’ll be taking an hour for my therapy, but a full day. I don’t feel ready. But I’ll never feel ready. I do find myself feeling more engaged in the afternoons, so maybe this will be an overall positive. Maybe it will help me feel more like my competent self.
I think I figured out a SQL that had been plaguing me all month. It’s like, I knew what I wanted to try, but until today my brain couldn’t figure out how to do it exactly. I was letting myself get distracted by the existing SQL instead of just adding one more set of criteria to specifically exclude the records we were trying to eliminate from the selection.
But then after work I felt the opposite of competent. Instead of moving directly to my workout as planned, I just kind of sat around. I skipped an afternoon snack, which was a bad idea. I’ve been hungry today, but it’s been difficult to get myself to eat. I got breakfast, lunch, and dinner today, but my meals are small enough that I need to snack.
I laundered the clothes that I wore in the snow on Sunday. My scarf did not survive its first washing intact. I’m going to need to do some repair work before I wear my sushi scarf again. A small section of the black end unraveled and then got tangled in the rest of the laundry. I do like how fuzzy the scarf is after going through the dryer.
I made plans to make a run to the transfer station on Saturday with a neighbor. I can’t go Wednesdays anymore now that I’ll be working all day. They close up right when I finish my work day. Although I might have a conflict if I decide to do the painting thing in Weiser. It’s ornaments this time, which I think will be nice. I’ve been putting more stuff on my walls. I think I might put more hangers up and fill my walls even more. I want to get prints of pictures of Ambrose. I only have one print of him out right now, and it’s a Navy picture, from long before I met him.
I do have printed pictures of him in a couple of my books. But that’s not the same as having a photograph hung up on the wall. It feels like a big project to pick photos to print of him. I guess I could just order some to start and then order more as I go back in the archives. I know I have a lot of photos of him, especially in the woods.
Hot springs tomorrow, probably. I’ve got to make sure I snack regularly. It should help me with work. It’s all part of taking care of myself. My focus had been on taking care of Ambrose, while he took care of me. My turn to take care of me.