I got enough sleep. In theory. I mean, I got to bed on time and I fell asleep without issues. But I woke up early again. I think, in a few weeks when the choir season is done, that I’m going to try to shift myself back to waking up at 5:30 instead of 6:30. I think my body may be more used to waking up earlier. That’s what my schedule had been here in Cambridge. In Boise, I was getting up at 4:30 to go to 5 am CrossFit.
Getting up that early, I’d have time before work. Not sure what I’ll do with that time, but morning quiet is a good time to write.
I worked for a full day. Minus the hour for therapy. It was less difficult than I’d feared. I think maybe going back to the regular schedule is telling my body that things are normal.
It probably helped that I managed to focus on eating and drinking. I’ve been skipping morning snacks, and then I end up feeling crappy by the time lunch rolls around, which makes it harder to eat lunch, let alone have an afternoon snack. And I got two whole quarts of water drunk during the work day, plus two big mugs of tea. I used to drink more than a gallon of water a day, and I have not been consuming that since Ambrose died. With all the water loss from frequent crying, I might be feeling kind of bad in my body from not drinking enough.
In therapy, I talked about how I’d tried talking to Ambrose as if he were here. It feels good in some ways. I used to tell him everything about my day. It was part of our relationship. My brain tried to stop me from doing it, because if he’s with me, then I don’t need to tell him, and if he’s not with me, then he can’t hear me. But that’s the logical brain. There’s nothing logical about grief. If it feels good to talk as if he can hear me, then I will do it. And in my heart, I will believe he is listening.
The hot springs were hot tonight. It was a relief when the rain began to fall. I brought one of my non-alcoholic beers to drink instead of water. It’s still hydrating without the alcohol 😉
I played the flute out on the porch today. It sounds beautiful outside. I mean, it sounds good inside, too, but outside… Outside, the tones ring off the hills, especially the high notes. I’m going to have to find some more music to practice. I’ve got some sheet music for flute and piano that I can start with.
I’ve haven’t been doing pull ups since I’ve been home. But today, I gave it a shot. I got one done with pretty poor form, and then did a few more. I used a light band for some reps to get me practicing better form. I also got some banded dips in. Moving my body inside the house is going to be good for me as the weather gets colder and snowier.