I woke up before 10 today, which was good. I’m going to have to get up by 5 am on Tuesday. That’s going to be an adventure. But I’ll be able to sleep on the plane.
I know that I dreamed last night, but they faded without leaving much of a trace. I think Ambrose was in the dream, because it faded. I don’t think I’m ready to remember dreams with him in them. It would be too painful to leave the dream, and might impede my healing.
Today’s big activity was a visit to my dad’s brother’s house. Though I’ve seen my uncle, aunt, and cousins relatively recently, I hadn’t actually been out to their house in maybe twenty years. I had spent more time at the house they had in the city, before they moved out to the suburbs. One of my cousins wasn’t there, but the other two were. It was a good sized gathering.
There was much talk and eating, several toasts, including one for Ambrose. We did that after my dad found some pictures of him and I from 2017 when we’d both been in town and eaten at a place near my old home in Winfield. It was easier to get my mom there than anywhere else because my dad could walk her wheelchair down the street instead of having to get her into the car and back out again, twice.
I had a really good time spending time with everyone. At one point, the group was split with the three young ones in one room, the three wives at a table, and the men plus me at the kitchen island. I was more interested in the conversation that the men were having, so that’s where I ended up. I wonder if I would have gone to the wives table if Ambrose had been there. Probably not. I liked to stay with him.
All the other adults participated in the drinking, while I toasted with ginger ale. I wasn’t tempted to drink this time, which is good. I’m not often tempted to drink anymore, but there are still times when I feel like a drink. But then I remember that I hate how hangovers feel, and that I really don’t need any alcohol (or any other mind-altering substances) to have fun.
I told the eldest of my cousins a couple of stories from when he was too young to remember. He especially like the one where he insisted that our shared grandmother, who we called Nonna, was “Not your Nonna, my Nonna!” when she was in town visiting and staying at their house. He had to have been three or four years old, and while I felt a bit attacked at the time, I now think it was adorable.
A bit before we left, the music came on, and the kitchen became a dance party. As we were dancing, I asked my brother to take a picture, and then we did a quick session of family photos. One of my nieces didn’t get in the picture, but we did get my sister-in-law to participate, which is rare, as she prefers to be behind the camera.
I think it was my uncle who started up the music, and before long, we were singing and dancing. Laughter and music filled the kitchen, and I started sweating a bit in my long underwear. The long underwear helped keep me warm, but once I started dancing it left me hot. I regretted not putting any deodorant on, but either it wasn’t bad or no one who noticed decided to comment. I’m leaning towards it wasn’t bad, because I would be shocked if my uncle didn’t tease me about being stinky if I were stinky.
I’ve been trying to keep up my posture practice. It’s hard work, but I know it will be worthwhile if I can get my body into the habit of good posture. Hard to begin, but easier and easier to maintain. Kind of like how the grief is overwhelming at first, but gets easier to carry as the days and weeks go by. It’s all about building up those adaptations.
Tomorrow will be my last full day in Chicago. Tuesday is pretty much all travel, starting early in the morning. I wish I’d done a later flight, but I didn’t realize when I made the reservations that I could stay with my friend in Boise overnight instead of getting a ride home that day. Next time, I’ll plan on staying with that friend and take a friendlier flight home. Or maybe my flight will be delayed for some reason. You never know. Of course, I’d likely only find out about the delay after I arrived at the airport and that would just be a pain.
Winter break is almost over. It’s almost time to be getting back to work. I’m going to be taking back my supervisory responsibilities just in time for performance reviews, as well as working on hiring. Plus I have to prepare for the second iteration of the class that a co-worker and I created to teach new people about our software systems. There’s going to be plenty of work to keep me busy, and I need to embrace that.
I still need to do my formal exercises for today. I’ll get that done after I post this. I’m actually feeling pretty sleepy, despite the relatively early hour ad the fact that I slept in until nearly 10 this morning. Maybe I’ll go to bed early instead of inviting a friend over to hang out.