The headache was still there when my alarm woke me at 5:30. I should have reset the alarm for later. But, I took the opportunity to take the migraine medication so that it would start working before work. And it did, but the headache only mostly went away.
And then I stayed in my cozy warm bed in the dark until after 7:30. I showered and skipped breakfast and got to work on time. The medication was working, but I kept everything dark.
At around 9:30, I went to the bathroom and realized that my period had made an abrupt appearance. There were no warning signals, other than the migraine. Which, to be fair, usually comes after the period starts so it wasn’t fair to expect it to be the harbinger.
The cramps have been dogging me all day. Which at least takes my mind off the heavy grief that the holidays are surfacing. But that’s about all that can be said for them.
I have been trying to hydrate sufficiently today. Doing better on that front than yesterday, definitely better than Sunday, but not quite where I want to be. On Sunday, I really didn’t drink enough water because I didn’t want to be worrying about my bladder during the concert.
The first year after his death was all about surviving. I know that I can survive. I know that I can backpack. I’m getting closer to being able to shut the book on my legal troubles every day. I am moving forward inexorably through time, farther and farther from the life I had with him.
Again, I wish he was here to take care of me. I wish he was here for me to take care of him. I remember very clearly in the week before his stroke that I came out of my home office for a moment in the afternoon, walked up to him on the couch and asked for a hug. He stood and held me for a moment, and then I went back to work. I miss being able to do that.
In some ways, I was still in a state of numbness and shock last December. Maybe that’s why this one feels so hard. I should thaw my spaghetti sauce so I can have easy dinners this week. With beef, yeah. I will do that. I froze some of my beans so I’ll have those for when I get home from Chicago. And maybe I can make some pumpkin soup out of the frozen pumpkin. The next pasta sauce will use some of those frozen tomatoes. And next time I do beans, I’ll try using the ham hocks. Or the beef tails. Probably not the liver. I really ought to order some more ground beef. It’s what I use.
I hope the headache does not have a resurgence overnight. I’m down to my last three migraine pills. At the rate I’ve been using them, I should probably ask for more after I use the next one. I’m not sure if I’ll need to go in to the doctor’s office for that or not. I hope not, because that would just be complicated. My jaw is aching less so maybe I won’t need to call the dentist about the new crown. As long as it keeps hurting less.