I woke up a bit before 5 and decided to go back to sleep. The alarm, therefore, rudely pulled me from my dreamings at 6:05. And I just didn’t want to get out of bed. I was sore from the hike of the day before and it was raining. I didn’t want to walk in the mud and get wet this morning. So I didn’t. I went right to showering and I feel good about that decision.
Today is 19 months since Ambrose died. I didn’t really think about the monthly anniversary for a while there in the fall, but after the 18 month mark it’s been on my mind. Looking towards the next one and the next one. This one wasn’t as bad as the 18 month mark. I think being off of probation helps my mental health overall, and eases the grief in some ways, because being on probation constantly reminded me of why I was on probation – because I’d had a mental breakdown after he died.
The morning’s work had me focused on a rote update that needed to be made. I’m going to need to work on some other automated updates once this part is finished, but there’s a pretty big list to get through. And I need to figure out why the data for another project isn’t matching up with the expected numbers.
When I walked after eating lunch, there were only a few drizzles remaining. The ground was muddy, but I could avoid the soppy parts of the road. No mail. I prayed as I walked that the petition for withheld judgment would be granted. I felt confident that it would, but I also asked. And I cried a bit, because I’m going to mourn that man for the rest of my life.
I had checked the court records website in the morning, but I guess I checked too soon, because my lawyer emailed me this afternoon with the good news. My petition was granted. My case is dismissed, my guilty plea withdrawn, and I am discharged. The ordeal that began on July 25, 2024, when I woke in the night and couldn’t rouse my husband, has, in a way, finally ended. The grief continues. The mourning continues. But the involvement of the legal system in my grief and mourning has ended at last.
After getting that news, I had to get through three more meetings in my afternoon, and it was hard to focus because I just wanted to jump up and dance around for joy. But I managed to make it through.
After dinner, when I went out for my walk, I found a bird perched on the deck. I watched as it made its way to underneath the suet block that I’d put up on Saturday, and started to peck at the bits that had fallen off. Then I scared the poor thing away so I could go outside and take my walk. I feel free now to really consider what comes next in my life.
I finished Day 3 of Snowslide Lake and I’ve been watching the videos for Day 4, which is the last day. I’m planning on getting Day 4 done this week so I can have each day post on the days that I’m at the conference in Orlando. That way there’s still something posted every day even if I don’t have the time and/or energy to write a daily journal while I’m there. If it were in Mountain or Pacific time, I think I’d be able to do it, but going to Eastern time and on spring forward weekend… I might not be up to it. So I need to focus on Day 4 completion and I think I can get that done.
After my lunch walk, I like to have a little videogame time before I need to get back to work. Silksong has been freezing whenever I enter a particular part of the map, so I decided to try uninstalling and reinstalling, and the reinstall keeps, for lack of a better term, stalling. It will stop installing or just not make any progress. I hope I can get it finished tomorrow, but I’m wondering if my Xbox is simply too old. It wasn’t exactly the latest and greatest when I bought it in 2020.
My upcoming week has gotten a little less crazy, because the Filter show has been rescheduled to October. No reason given, just that it’s being rescheduled and I can get a refund through April 1st. I don’t want a refund, I’m fine with seeing them in October. I just hope that it doesn’t get bumped again. So I’ll head to Boise on Saturday for lunch with my friend and hang out that day. I’ll spend the night there so I can get to the airport at the crack before dawn for my 5:50 am flight. The funny thing is, I’d just requested to get off work early on Friday and gotten approval when I found out the concert was postponed, so now I need to ask myself if I want to save that vacation time or just give myself a little time to relax on Friday.
The moon is almost full. I saw it as it rose, and the frogs are serenading it like crazy. I can even hear them as I type this from my couch, there are so many croaking out there. A beautiful music that I wish I could share with Ambrose.
