I woke before the alarm again, but stayed in bed until it went off. Then I got up and walked to the mailbox. It was cooler this morning than yesterday. And very windy. I found myself wishing for a jacket as I walked, but I warmed up on the uphill. Then I did my exercises.
I realized why I was feeling so low energy and moody this week. The last time I came home from a backpacking trip, Ambrose had a stroke. There was this expectation in my subconscious that something bad was going to happen. Recognizing that my brain was trying to make a pattern helped me get myself out of my funk.
I finished with cleaning the gear that needed to be cleaned and aired. I got dishes done today. After work, I made a big batch of meat sauce and cooked some tortellini for dinner. There was family zoom, which was the first one in a while, and my nieces were there. That was nice.
After zoom, there was still time to get to the hot springs, so I did that since I missed yesterday. And I confirmed that the August closure will start on the 4th, so I’ll want to go on the 2nd or 3rd. Or both. Get one last visit in before they reopen on the 28th.
Today at work, I was doing big focuses. I got so focused that I missed the start of a meeting, which I felt bad about. But I made up for it by creating a file parser live while everyone watched in awe at my prowess. I’m not just saying that, several people complimented me during the meeting as I built it and after. I really am quite good at my job when I can focus. And I’m able to focus more and more these days. I think the backpacking trip helped reset me a bit.
I’m still not sure exactly how I’m going to do the REI trip this weekend, but it has to be this weekend, because the weekend after is the start of the next trip. It’s a tight turnaround for the trip after that as well. But it will be good. Good to get out and be in the woods again. I should double check the status of those trails, though I know the first bit will be fine because it’s open to motorcycles. And I should keep an eye on the weather forecast for the area.
I am a person who seeks to make meaning. I see patterns and figure out how they affect me. I think that’s something that Ambrose appreciated about me. My ability to find those patterns and define those narratives. I’m writing about his death, and I know that I’ll find patterns as I go.
