I slept much better last night. I think it was a gift from my mom. I still woke up feeling tired and unmotivated, but I got through what I wanted to do. I walked a mile, and got ready for work. There were deer out, across the road, and a sliver of a moon over my neighbors’ house.
I absolutely had to make some headway on testing, so I hammered on that today, as well as doing some additional query training for my new person. Repetition helps with learning query, so I’m going to keep up with training her until she starts getting the hang of it. And then I’ll train her on the harder stuff!
My father-in-law had passed on a request to me yesterday. Ambrose’s daughter wanted two copies of his death certificate. I’m not sure what she needs them for, but I won’t begrudge them. I had three copies left, so giving her two leaves me with one. And if I really need more, I can order more. But I don’t want contact with this woman, so I asked if my father-in-law would send them to her if I sent them to him. He agreed, so I flexed my lunch a half hour later so I could get to the post office today to send them out. The post office here closes between 12 and 1, so I need to go outside of my normal lunch hour.
At 12:30, I went for my mail walk, and then made ramen for lunch and did dishes. Once the ramen was ready, it was nearly 1 so I headed into town. I got the certificates in the mail and got home in time to eat my ramen before it was time to get back to work for the afternoon.
The afternoon’s work dragged, but I did make progress. It has been hard to put energy towards work lately, because I’ve been so stressed from being on supervision and never knowing if I might need to request same-day time off to get a drug test. I’ve been just waiting on the judge to decide that enough time has passed without objections so that I can be unsupervised.
I had finally put my phone down – face down, so I couldn’t see it – and really focused in on getting my test scenarios completed at the end of the day. So I didn’t notice when my lawyer called at about 10 to 5. I only noticed it just a few minutes before 5, and I immediately checked the court records. The judge did it. He granted my motion to be released from supervision. No more drug tests! No more probation meetings! All I need to do for the remainder of my probation term is not get into trouble; in other words, to be myself, as I managed for nearly the first 42 years of my life not to get into trouble.
I sobbed with relief. I texted everyone. I felt this huge burden and energy drain lift from my body, mind, and soul. I was on supervision for only a little over 2 months. It should have been 0 months, because I would have gotten everything done just as fast without the added burden of drug testing and meetings. I can be normal now. Live my life.
After some cheese and pasta for dinner, I went for my evening walk. Then I got my exercises done, and did some staff spinning. I put together my workout bench. It’s in the living room for now, but I’m not sure where I’m going to have it live long term. My neighbor who was kindly storing my mower reached out about bringing it back, and did so today. I plan to hike tomorrow and start mowing on Sunday. I might be substituting mowing for my after work walk in the week to come. I’ll need to start mowing pretty regularly to keep up with it by myself. But I think I’ll be able to do it.
I can plan my vacations for the summer now. I won’t have to worry about taking time off and not being able to call in about drug testing because I’m out in the woods. I can direct that energy that I was using to cope to continuing my healing journey.
Nine months ago, Ambrose had a stroke. My world shattered, and I ended up breaking the law after going temporarily out of my mind. And now, I can put that behind me. I can stop reliving it, and start moving forward. The wind is howling outside my window, and I love the sound. And how the branches of my trees rustle now that they have leaves again. I’m feeling so much better now.
