I’ve discovered that, for me, for right now, it is a lot easier to get out of bed and go for a walk in the dark and the cold than it is to get up to be in the house. My plan for the weekend is to let myself lay abed for a while after the alarm, but to set the alarm for the same time as I have it on weekdays, 6 am. I’ve got to go to Boise on Monday and spend the night for a Tuesday meeting at work, so the walking schedule won’t quite be the same next week. But I intend to keep this up.
I had a meeting with my lawyer about the mediation that I’ll be having on Monday. The meeting went well, and did calm my anxiety and fear a bit. I really hope that we can resolve everything on Monday, because having to tell my story again today was very draining. I’d rather not have to repeat it again and again for the next four months. Today caused a lot of emotional perturbation in me.
I’m also a bit anxious about seeing people at work. I don’t think anyone will be less than gracious, but I can’t help but think about how the last time I saw most of them, my husband was still alive. I mean, I have seen them over zoom, but that’s different. And, to be honest, I cried over zoom seeing some people for the first time. More than 5 months into this grieving journey, and I know that I am still in it. But will they accept that I am still in it?
After the meeting with my lawyer, I had to go for my lunch walk, even though that left me very little time to actually eat lunch. I was just so full of emotions. It scares me how little I remember about the events that led to me waking up in Cottonwood Creek. It was only a half mile, but it helped. I was able to get through the rest of the workday and get things done.
After work, I went for my third walk of the day, another mile. I thought that I was walking more slowly, but it turned out to be my second fastest mile of the week, sub-18. That served as a good warmup for my Move U exercises. I’m still working through the 2nd week of Hips & Glutes level 2. The moves are hard, and I actually got a hamstring cramp doing one of them. That was a good reminder to drink some coconut water and get some electrolytes in me. I’ve been sweating on most of my walks and during my workouts, so I’ll need a bit of replenishment.
It snowed a bit this afternoon. Not much accumulation, but it’s pretty.
I’m hoping to get some grocery shopping done tomorrow, along with some longer walks. Or just one longer walk. I’ll see how I feel. Today I have not been feeling well. My tummy is not happy with me, and I’ve been having a lot of irregular poop and gas. Bubble gut is what I’d tell Ambrose. I had an espresso this morning in the vain hope that it would help clear out my digestive system. Instead of helping, it just made me feel super anxious and nauseous. I need to remember that caffeine can affect me very strongly, and not always in ways that I like.
I’ve got salmon, onions, and rice for dinner tonight, with some rice wine vinegar, lemon juice, hot sauce, and finishing salt to top. A pretty good dinner, I think. The onions may be impacting my digestion; I’ve got to keep that in mind going forward. Perhaps cooking them a little more thoroughly next time; I could sauté them before baking them with the fish.
Today I’ve been pretty tired. I hope I can get some solid sleep tonight, and find the energy to do some housekeeping tomorrow. I did change my bedsheets today, so that’s good. But I’ve got some cleaning I’d like to do tomorrow. Maybe I’ll figure out a strategy that works for me. Even if it only works once.