I had a really hard time getting out of bed this morning. I wanted to call out sick. I wanted to stay in bed all day and not move or think about anything at all.
It was almost 7 when I got out of bed, but I did do it. I got moving, and I ate breakfast, and I went to work. I even got work done. I also cried and yelled and screamed. Because this is one of the hard parts.
There was rain this morning, but then the winds came and blew all the clouds away. The wind was fierce all morning and most of the afternoon. I was a bit nervous about my shed as I sat in a work meeting listening to the wind howl at my window. But it was holding up just fine. It’s not in the lee of the house, but it is sheltered from the worst of the wind that comes from the north.
I walked to check the mail at my afternoon break. It was kind of hard to get myself to make and eat both lunch and dinner. Part of the overall down feeling. Especially because my friend is sick, and her toddler is sick, and her husband will probably be sick soon, so that cancels my plans for the Thanksgiving holiday. I was going to spend Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday night with them, but now that doesn’t sound like a good idea.
I think I’ll still make a pecan pie for my friend’s birthday though, and drive it out for a quick drop off. Or maybe I’ll bring it to my neighbors’, since they invited me over for Thanksgiving as well and I’ll be taking them up on it now.
I got my exercises done after dinner and before leaving early for choir. I had time to practice flute with my fellow flute player before we got started, which was good for both of us. We both need more practice, but we’re doing much better.
Choir practice was really good. We went through all the songs, and I sang in the small ensemble, and played my flute. I thought about how to present my face for each song to show the emotions and the journey of each song, and I pretended that the clock on the wall was the audience, emoting to it. I managed not to think too hard about the song that’s been making me cry because we sang it my first year, which was the concert Ambrose got to see.
I also got another Thanksgiving invitation, and several hugs. My friends in choir know this is a hard time of year for me in my grief. And I know that no matter what, I won’t be alone on Thursday, even if my neighbors end up having to cancel.
Time for a quick shower before bed.
