Very cold night last night. I was upset, and my feet were too cold for me to fall asleep easily. I did eventually fall asleep but it felt like it took a long, long time to warm up.
I got up and had some tea and did my exercises. Around 12:30, I left the house to meet a friend from high school for lunch at Miku Sushi. The sushi was good, and the company was better. It was lovely to catch up with her.
Then I took a Lyft to my dad’s work apartment. For some reason, my phone battery decided to jump off a cliff so we spent some time there letting it get a bit of a charge. Plus he had some work to do. I tried to assist, but the issue was with the download origin, and I wasn’t sure how to fix the multiple layers of folders.
We took the blue line downtown to peruse the Art Institute’s gift store. I saw some things that tempted me, but nothing enough to make a purchase. I came close to getting some notebooks, but they were lined paper and I prefer unlined. I also took a close look at some art supplies, but I really do have plenty of that at home.
After that, we took the blue line back and walked to my step-mom’s apartment. I got to see Toby, though he fled as soon as he heard the door open. My step-mom managed to hold on just long enough to let me get a glimpse of the kitty cat before he streaked off to hide under their bed.
We went out to dinner at La Serre, meeting my brother and his wife there. They were both a little bit late. Well, my sister-in-law was a little late, and my brother had the misfortune of getting a flat tire out in the suburbs so he was quite a bit late. But the food was good and the company was also good, though the conversation did occasionally veer into the intense. The creme brulée was quite good for dessert.
I picked up the Malort my Boise friend had requested on the way back to my brother’s. My sister-in-law and I finally had a chance to talk, and we did, a lot, while I packed and while we both got showered and ready for bed. She’s been working a lot, so we hadn’t had a chance before tonight to really have some conversation.
I’m very tired now, but I should be able to sleep on the plane tomorrow. I could have cut the conversation short much earlier, but I don’t get a chance to hang out with her very often. Human connection over getting 8 hours of sleep on my last night.
Today was 17 months since Ambrose died. I cried a few times today. It doesn’t feel right. 2026 and he’s gone. 17 damn months he’s gone. How is this possible? How am I still breathing? How am I not dreaming all this? My dad told me it doesn’t really get better, which I found oddly more comforting than any platitude. This is who I am now. A piece of me always with Ambrose wherever he may be, painfully separated, leaving me longing.