I slept in today. Really, really slept in. The kind of luxuriating in bed that I wanted to do on Saturday but my body decided it was not to be. The kind I would have done on Sunday if I had known that I wasn’t going to be able to hike because my left leg/foot/ankle was going to go nuts. I was in bed until nearly 10 am, drifting in and out of dreams, including one with Ambrose.
But I still wanted to get a hike in. Ambrose didn’t like leaving the house late for a hike. He preferred us to be home as early as possible, which meant leaving the house as early as possible. I still try to leave early most of the time, but I wasn’t going to let sleeping late keep me from a hike today.
I ate breakfast and slowly got ready, putting the hiking clothes from yesterday back on because I hadn’t really worn them. I put some of my dried pears in my oats yesterday, and I really like how that turned out. They do need a bit more water though. It’s easy enough to add some when I’m heating them up.
I left the house before noon and drove out to the Brownlee Campground. I parked near the pit toilet, pulling into a campsite since the campground is closed (meaning I won’t have to pay for using a site). I took advantage of the pit toilet and then headed up the trail that I’d come down last time I did the road loop.
I’m not sure where the snow line would be going up the trail to the peak, but I figured after my left/foot/ankle pain/issue of yesterday that I would take it easy and do the road loop instead of out and back up the steep trail. I could see snow up above, but I couldn’t tell how low it was.
The little side stream where I’d picked up an empty water bottle last time seemed to be smaller than I remembered, hardly flowing at all. Which was probably a good thing, signaling that the water sources higher up were frozen.
I saw a truck drive through the campsite as I hiked up above it. The trail was much as I remembered it, wide enough for a road for the most part. Nicely covered in grass and fallen needles. Easy to walk on. Though there were a few muddy spots. I picked up a hat and the remains of a t-shirt as I hiked on to the junction with the road. From there, I turned left just to see what was around the next bend. More road. I’ll explore it at some point.
As I continued to hike, I kept expecting my app to announce that I’d done a mile and I wondered how fast my mile would be. I wasn’t going especially fast, but I was moving at a good clip. When I took my phone out to take a picture, I saw that it had logged me at 0.66 miles in 35 minutes of walking. Which is ridiculous. I wasn’t going that slow.
That’s when I knew that the app was being messed with. I blame Ambrose. He likes to mess with my electronics. And this mess was a message. A reminder about time and distance. Life happens in its own time. The timer continued to tick up throughout my hike, but the distance stayed at 0.66.
I found the big tree that I’d nearly fallen from last time trying to get over it. Saved by the stob, which never did bruise my thigh though it felt like it should have. I think when I went over that tree, I lost the hat I was trying to pack out because it was gone the next time I thought about looking for it. Maybe I’ll pick it up again next time (and secure it better).
I took two breaks along the way. I ate my last Walking Tamale at the first one, and took the second one at a Historic Marker along the main road. That main road is a long slog of going uphill. While I was walking it, it started to rain and snow. A wintry mix. I was glad to see a little snow, because the mountains need it. I hope it’s been snowing up there all day.
It rained as I drove back home. I got stuck behind a car that was going excessively slow on 71’s curves. Another car passed it, but I figured I’d stay behind it because slow is safer in the rain. And this car tended to speed up on the straightaways where I might have passed it. No need to hurry.
At home, I showered and snacked. I played some more Silksong. Watched some TV. After dinner I ran the dishwasher so I’ll have all my storage bowls ready for tomorrow when I make the next dinner. Would have been nice to have timed it so that I’d make new dinners tonight, but that’s not how it worked out.
I connect so much better with my thoughts and myself when I’m out in the woods alone. I feel connected to Ambrose, and connected to the world. I feel like I understand that there is, was, and will be purpose to everything that he did, that we did together. I find my way into meaning when I’m out there.
I did ankle exercises for today’s Move U. I’m going to try and sprinkle some of those in every day to try and prevent that terrible pain from recurring. I’m still focused mainly on shoulder, but I need to be able to hike. I guess it’s possible that the work I’m doing on my shoulder is affecting the leg/foot/ankle. It’s the same side. Fixing one may help fix the other.
I am still out on the sea of grief. Still subject to its ebbs and flows. Its tides and monsoons. I live there now. Connected and yet disconnected from the life that I used to have, when I was we. I don’t know what I’m waiting for.