I woke up at 4:30 and almost got up. I gave myself another hour in bed, and then got up to walk. It was raining, but not windy. I did the ankle exercises when I got back, and then proceeded through the morning routine.
I did the shoulder exercises during release time. I’m all caught up on my workout plan, so tomorrow I’ll be attending Move U Office Hours as my exercise during the lunch hour, which I need to shift to starting at 1 pm. And then hot springs in the evening. I shifted my hot springs day from Wednesday to Thursday for the weeks when Office Hours is in the evening for this month.
I’m feeling sad. I’m in my grief. I know that I’m making progress. I’m moving forward. I’m figuring out how to survive without Ambrose. But I’m sad. Thursday will be 20 months. I don’t know if that’s why I’m particularly sad or not. I guess I don’t need a reason beyond being a widow.
There’s a particular brand of trail cookies that Ambrose found on Garage Grown Gear a few years ago. The current name is Angry Pika, though they had a different name when we first bought them. They cookies are not only delicious, they are high calorie. Depending on how hard I’m working, one package is two to four snacking units. I had only one package left, but the last few times I’d checked GGG, they were out of stock. They are in stock now, and I made a very Ambrose-like decision. I ordered 6 packages for this summer’s backpacking season, three of the maple pecan, and three of the German chocolate. I still have one package of the Monster cookies. I prefer the other two flavors, having tried them all.
My inclination is usually wait and see, while Ambrose would be more decisive. In this case, after seeing them be out of stock for months, I decided to go for it because if I wait, I might see that they are out of stock again by the time I ready.
My friend’s dog was tail-wagging happy to see me. I think he’s figured out that I bring him food. It was still raining. I gave him some pets and praise and then went home and got my own dinner ready.
That really is some fine pasta sauce that I made. Bursting with flavor and texture. I don’t know how I’m going back to jar sauces after this. Though I’ll probably have to unless I get really good at growing tomatoes. Ambrose would say that Idaho doesn’t have a good length growing season for tomatoes, but my choir friend sure did grow a lot last year.
I had a nice family zoom this evening. Got to see my nieces briefly. We’ve got to buckle down and set some dates for that road trip in May if we’re going to make it happen. Hotel rooms in town need to be reserved, and I need to get a flight and time off work.
Ambrose would often use the line from Finding Nemo, “just keep swimming.” It’s kind of a life philosophy, and kind of encouragement. Even more appropriate now that I’m living in the ocean that is grief.
