I feel awake today. I haven’t been feeling awake this last week. It’s been so hard to get out of bed, even when there are things that I need or want to do. But I’m doing it.
I went to the hot springs last Wednesday. Chatty people in the hot tub with me. I don’t mind chatting, but I feel like I’m never going to finish my book. Still, it is social time for me, and that’s something that is good to have in my week.
I called out sick from work on Thursday. I couldn’t stay awake. I slept half the day and then slept a full night and still felt exhausted on Friday. I’ve been drinking more coffee than I normally do, but only in the mornings. I’m planning on weaning myself off caffeine this week, but I also planned to do that since the beginning of this month so…
I’ve been feeling kind of lost. I got the deck done, and that’s good, but I should probably pick another home improvement project soon. There are definitely things that could be done inside. Baseboards. Reframing some doors. I need to do something about that back door to stop the heat loss from the old doggy door. I wonder what Ambrose would have picked next after the deck.
I had myself a night in on Friday. Not a lot different from other nights, but I did wear something cute for myself. And I went to bed relatively early so I could get up and hike on Saturday.
I hiked on the Brownlee trail, but not all the way up this time. There was a skiff of snow up on the peaks, but I had other things to get done on Saturday so I limited myself to two 50 minute segments going up and then however long it took to go back. A bit over 4 miles with 1500 feet of gain; it was a good hike. Cold weather, but I was dressed for it. I put Ambrose’s orange bandana on my pack as a caution to hunters, though I should probably do more than that. Maybe I’ll pick something up before my next hike.
After that hike, I had planned on doing a trash run, but I decided it could wait for next weekend, because I had to go all the way out to Payette for grocery shopping as that was the nearest store that carries the milk I like. I could get the milk I like from the grocery in town as a special order, but I’d need to order 6 half gallons and I just don’t drink milk that fast, even though this milk does last a really long time. So I drove out to Payette with a headache growing behind my eyes.
I did not feel up to much else when I got home. I didn’t do a whole lot Saturday night. And I had big plans for Sunday, but when I woke up with a migraine (I thought maybe it wasn’t a migraine on Saturday, but I really should have medicated it sooner), I had to take care of that first. I did not drink as much water as I should have on Saturday post-hike, but it’s hard to hydrate and then drive around a lot. Though I do have a good idea of where I can stop to use the bathroom on my route.
I had big plans for Sunday, and, to be fair, I got everything that I really wanted to get done done. When I was shopping in Payette on Saturday, I saw a mini muffin tin, and that solved my brain’s problem of how do I serve muffins as a treat at choir. So on Sunday, I baked mini muffins. My regular recipe came out to about 32 minis, baked in two batches. I reduced the time for the mini-ness, and while I think the first batch could have stayed a few more minutes in the oven, they are better than the second batch which got about 5 more minutes. I think maybe 20 minutes is the sweet spot.
I also prepped my breakfasts for the week. And then I started making a dinner that I sort of planned in my head, but I’d forgotten to thaw the ground beef so I used a can of chicken for my protein instead of cooking beef. I should do beef next week to try and increase my iron levels before my next blood donation on the 12th of November. I realized that I was making dinner too early, so after I finished cooking I left it on the stove while I made my other choir treat, cornflake treats dyed orange and shaped into roughly round shapes, then topped with a green frosting stem to look like pumpkins.
And I have been getting my exercises done, though I haven’t proceeded with the Shoulder Impingement program. I need to get back into that. And I’d like to get back to walking every day but I am having a hard time with establishing routine. I had some cleaning chores on my Sunday list, but I didn’t get them done until Monday morning. Which is better than not doing them at all, but not as good as doing them on Sunday. Still, my bathrooms got cleaned this morning, and I’m glad about that.
I also finally caught up with laundry and got my sheets changed only three days after payday. I like the routine of changing sheets every two weeks on payday, but I fell out of that routine after the last trip to Chicago and I’m still working my way back to it.
I feel like I was in a hole last week, and I’m just emerging today. It seems quite possible that my periods are getting worse so that when they go away I’ll be relieved. I’m pretty pleased with myself for being as productive as I was during this period of being in a hole covered by a dark cloud.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about who I am without Ambrose. And I wonder if it’s less that I don’t know who I am and more that I’m afraid of letting myself be who I am. That without his support and love and trust, I’m on shakier ground. But I do still have his love and his trust, and, well, support is not what it was, and that’s what I am working on. Self-support.
Choir was good tonight. I was a bit late for the ensemble rehearsal, but not so late that I couldn’t participate. I got distracted by some absolutely beautiful storm light on the way out the door. This week has been pretty spectacular for sunsets and sunrises.
The mini muffins and cornflake treats that I brought were joined by some angel food cookies made by Tina and some donut holes that were store bought from another choir member. I’m pleased to say all my cornflake treats got eaten, and over half the mini muffins. Of all the food, only the cornflake treats ‘sold out’. I think I’ve figured out what I’ve been missing from the muffin recipe – water. I didn’t think of it because it isn’t a flavor ingredient, but once the thought of water came to me it tickled a memory of me being bemused by adding both oil and water to a recipe. I think the next batch will be spot on; this one was good but a little too much sugar.
I don’t have any plans for the coming week out of the ordinary. Hot springs Wednesday. Family zoom on Thursday. I have no plans for Halloween. Other than hiking. I hope to hike again on Saturday and do chores on Sunday.
