I tried to keep doing Crossfit once or twice a week through October, November and December when I was feeling ill. After all, I wasn’t actually sick enough to miss much work and I kept up with my running so why not keep up with Crossfit?

The answer came in December when I was doing deadlifts. The plan was to find a max weight for three reps. I got over 100 pounds and after each lift, blackness crept along the edges of my vision and I had to lean against the wall. This scared me enough that I decided I had to take a break from Crossfit until I felt better.

Even though I still feel like there’s this low level malaise going on in my body, I also feel like I’m getting better. So last week, I screwed up my courage and went back to Crossfit.

I was ashamed at having been away so long, and I knew that it was going to be painful to get back into it. But when I arrived at my 5:30am class, there were some people that I knew and no one did anything at all to make me feel bad about not having been for a while. I don’t even know why I would think that anyone would.

We did the metcon first – a 7 minute AMRAP of 10 2 for 1 wall balls and 10 chest to bar pull-ups. 2 for 1 wall balls were being debuted that very day. They are a special kind of torture wherein one throws the wall ball up to the wall and then performs an air squat before catching it.

I did not do well on those wall balls. Since we were advised to take lighter weights for the new movement, I had grabbed the lightest available, an 8 pounder. About halfway through the AMRAP, the coach advised me to use a lighter ball, and upon learning that there weren’t any lighter than what I had, recommended doing standard wall balls. He probably saw me fall on my ass attempting the 2 for 1’s. . .

But, on the plus side, I was able to do the standard wall balls with the 8 pounder in a nice rhythm. After the AMRAP we did back squats for strength in a complicated every minute set up. I maxed out at 115lbs. I tried 120 and dropped the bar, accidentally sliding it down my back rather than letting it fall free. I was a bit sore from that, but there weren’t any lingering issues.

Now I just have to make myself go back this week.

And the next.

And the next.

And maybe do the Open.

Or not.

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