I had a hard time getting to sleep last night, and I didn’t even look at the workout before bed!

My husband theorized that it was because I didn’t do a hard workout yesterday – and I slept in until 8am. I think he might be right.

So, up at 5, dressed, and out the door.

This morning’s class was positively crowded. 15 people all up and ready to work out at 5:30 in the morning. Must be the New Year’s resolutions kicking in.

Since there were so many people, we paired up to do the skill portion, which was strict presses, 4 rounds of 8 to 10 reps with 3 minutes rest in between. I and my partner lifted 45 pounds. I thought I might be able to do a little bit more, but once I got started on the set, I was glad to have kept it that light. The last time I did presses was for the 10,000 pounds WOD, and I had to resort to using my knees to get through those reps. With these, no knee bending was allowed, and the reps were hard.

Then came the WOD:

AMRAP in 10 min
– 5 Pull ups
– 10 Push ups
– 20 Double Unders

Ah, the AMRAP, where I don’t have to see how slow I am until we’re all finished.

I did banded pull ups, standard push ups and singles instead of doubles – which meant I had to do 60 instead of 20. The pull ups and push ups were hard but not impossible, but the jump rope that I had grabbed was awful. It was a bit too long, for starters, coming up over my shoulders instead of to my armpits. The handles – I don’t know exactly what was wrong, but when I started jumping they didn’t let the “rope” part (twined metal covered in a plastic sheath) swing freely. I ended up tripping over a rope that had twisted up, and I didn’t want to take the time to untwist it properly. I used brute force and started jumping again, but it just wasn’t working. It took me way too long to get through that first 60. By the time I was on the second round, I figured out that I had to choke up and hold the “rope” instead of the handles, but it was still difficult so when the trainer walked by I told him that I hated the rope and, because he is awesome, he got me a different one for the next round. That one I could use! Even though I still can’t do double unders.

When I’m hiking or running and I’m on an uphill, I like to rush to the top. I push and pant and persevere to get a rest once I’ve conquered it. And that’s the way I treat these Crossfit workouts. I may not be doing the heaviest weights, but what I am doing, I am doing hard. I want to see results, and I want to push myself. I did that today, speeding up in the last two minutes to squeeze one more round in (I finished 6, even).

I don’t think everyone approaches it that way, though most of the people I’ve seen seem to push like I do. When the 10 minutes was up today, I collapsed on the ground, like I usually do, and caught my breath for a few moments. From my position on the ground, I saw someone else calmly start putting their stuff away and I was a bit shocked. How could they not be exhausted by the end of that workout? How could they not even look sweaty?

I’m not trying to judge that person, but I am comparing them to me. I guess judgment is inevitable, but I don’t want to be rude. I just find it interesting that a girl who could hardly be coaxed to run a mile in under 14 minutes in high school (me) would be able to find in herself the ability to get up at 5am and do an all out, screaming, grunting, crazy workout. I know there was a me who would have slacked on these workouts, but I don’t think she exists anymore. I think I’m having too much fun pushing myself. Just like with Turbokick classes, when I stopped caring that I was sweating like crazy and might look like a total doofus jumping around until I could hardly catch my breath, I’m figuring out how to really leave that ego at the door here. And figuring out that ego isn’t just arrogance, but embarrassment and fear as well.

This other person can work out in any way that they choose. It does not affect me. But I see in them a me that used to be, and I can also see in them the potential for going balls to the wall, screaming and crying and not giving up, no matter how messy or crazy life might get.

I zombied my way home afterwards, spent, but virtuous in my exhaustion. I can’t believe I’m getting up so early again tomorrow…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *