Work was hard again this morning. My brain was rebelling. But I managed to eat something, and do some work. Even though I felt like I didn’t know how to exist in the world. I know I’ve just got to take the next step, again and again.
I ended up not exactly napping, but kind of resting my eyes on the couch for a while after eating the scone I got in Boise on Tuesday for lunch along with a glass of milk.
And then I made the drive out to McCall to get my husband’s drivers license from the police department where it had ended up. Then I stopped by the Albertsons to get my flu and Covid vaccines. I also got some groceries while I was there. Nothing big, just some tea and berries and a coconut water I planned to drink on the drive home.
Driving helps me feel calm. Simple rules to follow. A clear destination. And music. I haven’t been singing along to the radio as much lately. Some singing, but not as much as I used to.
In the Albertsons parking lot on my way out, I saw a deer. And then, when I got home a stag was waiting in my yard. I thought I’d spook him for sure with my car, but he just kind of ambled around my yard without a care in the world.
I’m hoping to go to the Harvest Festival tomorrow. One of my neighbors will be selling crafts there, and I’d like to see what else is there.
I’ve realized that I am holding in a lot of anger. I’ve been letting myself cry, and yell a bit, but not really acknowledging how angry I am. And how frustrated I am with the way my brain is currently working. And frustrated at the constant abdominal pain. I’m going to cut caffeine for a while. And I’m going to recognize my anger.