I had a goal for today. My goal was to hike up Cuddy Mountain. I knew that it would be difficult. I haven’t hiked any substantial distance in months. My body has been through a lot. But I believed that I could do it.
And today was the last day that I could realistically get up there. My license will be suspended as of 10/25. That’s the reality I have to live with right now.
So I got up at 8. I found some cute birds in my yard. I made myself breakfast (leftover corned beef hash and two eggs). I did some last minute prep, and headed out the door around 9:30.
About ten minutes into my thirty minute drive, I realized that I had left my water bottle at home. But I’ve been hiking long enough not to panic at forgetting equipment. I had brought a coconut water, and so I changed my plan from ‘save the coco water for the peak’ to ‘drink the coco water first and then use it as a cup.’ Easy.
The drive out was uneventful. I cried a little at the thought of going up there without Ambrose, and at the thought of communing with his spirit as I hiked. I considered that the hike was my version of going to church.
I parked at the empty trailhead, did my warm ups, and then started to hike.
This trail is not gentle. There’s about 2750 feet of elevation gain over 3.5 miles to the peak. While there are occasional flat or even downhill sections of the trail, they do not last. Most of it is just up, up, and up.
And I wanted to quit, quit, quit!
My body was screaming at me. My heart pounding in my chest, loud in my ears, breath hard to catch, legs complaining. First I was too cold, then as I started climbing, I was too hot. I should have stopped, taken a moment to take my jacket off, but I was being stubborn. I was going to hike for 50 minutes and then take my break. I did end up taking my heavy gloves off pretty quickly, though they did help me get started.
After the first 50 minutes of hiking, I took my break. Drank about half the carton of coconut water and ate a banana caramel bar. Every break needs a snack and a drink. I also put on sunscreen at that first break, though I only needed to apply it to hands and face/neck. The rest of me was well covered as protection from the wind.
The weather was interesting, especially the higher I climbed. When the sun was shining, it was quite warm, but the wind was icy cold, ripping heat from me as it passed.
I managed a second set of hiking for 50 minutes, but I was starting to feel worn down. I wanted to just call it. Good enough, I thought. Right?
Wrong! This is likely the last time I get to hike this hike until June. I compromised by setting the next timer for 30 minutes. It’s always easier to keep going after a bit of rest, food, and drink.
I almost turned around just short of the peak because there was a closed gate, but it turned out to be easy enough to open and reclose behind me. Since there was no closure sign, that’s just what I did, both on the way up and the way down.
A bit of off-trail, steep climbing got me to the road, which led to the peak. I did take a detour up there to dig a hole. My body clearly communicated what it needed at that time.
At the peak, I took a little time to eat and drink. And I embraced the rock pile and gave my grief to the mountain. Then it was easy. Just turn around and get back to the car. I put my raincoat back on since the sun was hiding behind some clouds. The wind on the peak tried to keep me up there, blowing me back as I tried to hike the steep downhill section safely.
I had to dig another hole on the way down. I took my break at the trail junction where Ambrose and I would typically sit on a big burnt log and take our final break before each getting down to the car as fast as we could. My feet began to get impatient with the remaining miles when I still had nearly two miles to go.
The stream crossing, harbinger of the trailhead, looked very pretty in the afternoon sunlight, so I paused to take a picture. And then, inspired, I took a video, which was photobombed by a gorgeous dog. The dog was also very friendly, and soft, but had no collar. I hoped her people would be just down the trail, and indeed they were. I came upon two elderly ladies, trekking poles in both hands, who introduced me to Myla the dog. They were Nancy, from Indian Valley, and Fran, from Cape Cod, but she owns property in Council. I took their picture for them after we had a bit of a chat.
It was a good way to end my hike. I helped two strangers, even if only a little bit. Having finished Arnold’s book, I’ve been thinking about how I can help others, how I can orient my mind to what I am capable of instead of focusing on how broken I feel without Ambrose. And I’m going to try, tomorrow at work, to think not about what I should do, but about how I can help my colleagues. I hope that attitude will help me get out of bed and eat breakfast as well, since I’ll need to be awake and fed if I’m going to be able to help out at work.
And then when I was driving home, I came upon a cow at the side of the road.
Tomorrow I’ve got choir to look forward to. I’ve had some issues getting myself to sleep after choir, so I’m going to try and work on that. Because if I don’t get good sleep Monday night, that tends to ruin my Tuesday. So I want to try working on getting to bed expeditiously after choir and to not get all bent out of shape if I don’t get my full 8 hours. Both sides.
Ambrose would always say a coin has three sides. Heads, tails, and the edge.