I’ve reached another calm spot in the swells, emotionally. Physically, I’m feeling pretty bad. My tummy has been complaining all day. I did a shake for breakfast, soup for lunch. I kept up with snacking. I got through another work day, and drank a good amount of water. I did a pull up.
If I knew some way to calm my tummy, then I’d do it. I’m not even sure what to try next. The pain puts my attention on my body instead of my grief, so it isn’t completely useless. Just painful.
I got my exercises done right after work. I think it’s best if I do them that way, at least until choir is over. Once choir is over, I’m thinking about changing my sleep schedule back to waking up at 5:30. My body seems to want to do that anyway, and I like exercising in the morning and getting it done. It might also be beneficial to get in touch with my body like that first thing.
I’ve been expressing my self love today. It feels right. Reminding myself how much I love myself gives me strength. Ambrose is the one who taught me how to love myself. Taught me how to look at all the things in me that other people had called wrong in some way and celebrate my differences instead. Appreciate that I think of things from a different angle.
I’m still doing the meditation about offering myself compassion every morning. It hits differently every day. Sometimes I sob through the whole thing. Sometimes I don’t cry at all. Therapy is canceled for the Thanksgiving holiday, but I can reach out if I need to. I don’t think that I’ll need to, but I also don’t know how the holiday is going to hit me.
I’ve got a dentist appointment tomorrow. I need another filling. My teeth are more filling than dentin by this point. I wish I’d starting taking care of my teeth at a younger age, but I didn’t. Nothing to do about it now. Maybe there will be a way to regrow teeth some day. Who knows what could happen if humanity stopped chasing profit and started chasing self improvement. What amazing things we could do…
I felt very tired today. Maybe I will feel more awake tomorrow. There’s plenty for me to do.
Oh, I cleaned my flute today using lemon juice and salt to take the tarnish out of the silver. And I finally cleared the sink of dishes after several days of staring at my collection of bowls. Not a bad day, overall.