I went to bed after midnight last night. I felt called to stay up late. To be awake as my first year ended and my second began. I slept outside in my car camping tent, with the rainfly off so I could see the stars. By around 7, it was too noisy and bright to stay out there so I migrated back inside to my bed for another hour or so. Then it was time to be awake for the day.
I’ve had a pretty chill day. I haven’t asked much of myself. I fed myself and hydrated. I got some food out for next week’s backpacking trip. We had a family zoom and it was good to talk with family again. Yesterday was more about me talking about Ambrose rather than anyone else talking.
I got my exercises done, though rather late in the day. I put the rainfly on my tent because the weather was looking threatening. I had some fierce winds blowing through. I kind of hope they continue through the evening since I’ll be sleeping outside again. It just feels right to do that now. Though I won’t be staying up nearly as late as I did last night. I wonder if it will feel easier to get up at the alarm tomorrow morning. If it does, then I might just keep doing it whenever I’m not using that tent for camping. Until it gets too cold. Though I think I’ll need to move the tent a bit if I want it to be all-weather, because it’s too close to the porch to properly stake out the rainfly.
Tomorrow, I’m supposed to go back to normal. To be normal again. To work and focus and do the dumb things I need to do.
After work, I’ll be picking my photos up from the fair. And I’m planning to stop by the local grocery to see if they have the really small ziploc bags. I’m thinking of splitting my lunches so I have half a dessert plus a Spam slice. Ambrose and I would usually split one and then each have a Spam slice, but since I’m going to be splitting with myself, I need to repackage the toppings as well as the rest of it.
I’m disappointed that MapMyRun no longer has a topographic map view. Stupid updates. I’m going to have to rely on my GPS for the upcoming trip since I don’t have paper maps for the area. This week is going to be all about prep and packing. I’ve been charging all my devices already, and I got all the laundry done. I just need to get everything together and packed. It’s mostly the snacks and meals that need to be decided upon. I figured out on my last trip that I want about 8 snacks per full day of hiking. Breakfast, then 4 snacks, then lunch, then 4 snacks, the dinner. With any remaining snack of the day being available for night snacks as needed.
My plan is to have three short days and two long days, which I think will work out well, because each long day has a short day on either side. Day two will be the longest day at around 12 miles. Doable, but tough. I just hope the trails are in decent shape and that the weather doesn’t give me any unpleasant surprises. And that there are no fires!
It still doesn’t make sense to my brain that he’s gone. That he’s been gone. And, somehow, I am still here. Still breathing and taking steps forward. Into the unknown without him. And also with him, with all the things that he gave me and taught me.
