I think the earthquake was, in many ways, the last straw for me, emotionally speaking. Not only was I working from home in the midst of a pandemic, but the earth itself was shaking. Solid ground is supposed to be solid!

On Thursday, I started getting a headache, and I could feel that it was from tension being held in my body, especially neck and shoulders. I was trying to hold it together. To just keep working like things were normal. But they are not normal. No, not even “new” normal. I heard someone say “normal for now” recently and I like that concept. This is not how things are going to be – we don’t know how things are going to be. But staying inside and working out via Zoom and working from home is the normal right now – the now normal.

And on Thursday, my normal was to have a crying fit. I went out looking for something and it wasn’t there, because I was too late. And that upset me beyond all reason or rationality. I started crying while driving home and when I got home I pretty much strangled a pillow so I could cry into it and scream into it and just release all the pent up feelings that I’ve been trying to ignore since this whole situation got real.

It’s weird to have this feeling of instability, but also not to feel that I, personally, am in immediate danger. Even during the earthquake, because it was so mild, I didn’t feel endangered. But I don’t know if my job will still be a job in a year. Probably it will, I have good odds on that, but I never expected I’d be working from home a year ago, so I can’t really count on it. I know I’m lucky to have a job right now, and one that allows me to continue to work from home.

The headache hung around until Sunday. Saturday was especially bad; it seemed like nothing I did was having any effect on it. I spent the weekend trying to get myself to stop stressing out with mixed success. The headache did go away, but I can feel that my neck is tight. The kind of tight that really lends itself to headaches.

I am keeping up with exercise, which helps. Work is going well, even with the complications of holding all meetings virtually. And with internet getting wonky with all the people using it. I have a sneaking suspicion a lot of people in Boise are in virtual meetings on Monday mornings. . .

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