Colonoscopy prep was worse in some ways, not as bad in others. I got through it, and even managed to work the whole day. The evening did not bring much sleep since I was drinking a lot of liquid to stay hydrated. And I had to get up at 2 am to drink more poop juice (Gatorade and Miralax). So I got a few hours of dozing in before my friend picked me up at 6:15 am.
We got me there on time, but there was a lot of waiting. I waited over an hour to be taken back, and then another hour plus before the procedure. I got some reading done and left the TV off. The procedure itself was great. I got anesthesia and had a great nap. My friend kindly stopped at the gas station to get me a slushy because my throat was sore and dry, and I got home a bit before noon.
The rest of the day was napping and recovering. I heard rain pounding the roof early this morning when I got up to pee. That was nice. We need the rain. And it was cooler today.
It’s going to be 7 to 10 working days before the biopsy they took comes back. So I need to focus on trying to get through and trying to figure out if there’s anything I can do that I’m not already doing to make the pain go away. I wish I had more answers, but all I’ve got is questions.
I fed my friend’s dog after work. I’m glad I drove into town when I did because I saw three stags not far from my house. One on the road who then turned to another neighbor’s property where two others were hanging out. Very cool.
Family zoom this evening, though it ended up just being my parents and me since my brother was working. It was good to catch up and tell them about the procedure. I had a smoothie for dinner because my tummy was not feeling up to solids.
Just before I was going to get ready for bed, I got a text from my aunt who has been like a mother to me. She was there for me when Ambrose was in the hospital. And now, she is going through hell as her partner descends into dementia. We had been texting, and I, being the kind of person that I am, thought that was enough. That if she wanted to talk, she’d either mention that or call. In her text, she lashed out at me for not calling and told me not to bother in the future.
I understand that hurt people hurt people. And that she is in a world of hurt. But I wish she had just told me she wanted to talk. Or asked me to come out and visit. Because even though I hoard my vacation time like a dragon hoards gold, I would go for her. Even if she lashes out at me, I love her so much. Which is probably why this message got me as upset as it did. I wasn’t even planning to blog tonight. I was just going to go to bed and skip again. I will take this hurt, and I will remember it as love. I just hope that she will let me be there for her in the future.
I took down the camera in the kitchen window. It was something Ambrose had set up. I don’t know if it was transmitting or not, and certainly not where it would have been transmitting to. But it made a buzzing sound, and I was tired of it. And tired of not being able to see out my whole window.
My period started today. I’m just glad it waited until after the procedure. It would have been messy.
I think I will take a sleep aid tonight. I know myself. No matter my intentions, my brain is likely to keep gnawing at that text message and what I should do about it. And when I should do it. And sending her love through the ether and hoping she feels it. Such is the price of being this sensitive.
