I had a colonoscopy last week. They found that I have a healthy colon and etc… That news was a bit mixed for me, because that means I still have mystery pain. So, I have been meditating and focusing on not freaking out just because I don’t know what’s causing the pain. I have come up with an action plan to help keep myself from spiraling out of control with the what-if game.
First, focus on facts in evidence:
Focusing on facts in evidence means that feeling a pulse in my tummy is proof of nothing more than I’m thinner than I used to be. It means that I will rejoice at the certainty that I don’t have colon cancer or ulcerative colitis or chronic appendicitis or Crohn’s or anything else that a colonoscopy or upper endoscopy can detect. It means that I keep working out because I can – I know I can because I have been.
Second, stop searching for symptoms on the internet:
Stop searching for symptoms is pretty self explanatory. It is easy to find patterns; that’s the way humans are programmed. But the likelihood of my having any of the various things that could be causes of abdominal pain is low, because most of those things are quite rare. So I will stop looking for trouble; if trouble finds me, then I’ll deal with it.
Third, through with watching medical dramas until this is resolved:
Another thing that can cause freaking out is watching medical dramas, because everyone is sick and, of course, they are sick with rare and dramatic things. I don’t need that kind of input in my brain right now.
Fourth, forbear with the medical system:
I need to have forbearance with the medical system. I need to be patient and let the doctors work through the possibilities in the way that makes sense to them. I need to trust that they will check for anything that might fit, and trust that they believe me.
Fifth, figure out ways to manage the pain:
While I wait, I will work on ways to manage my pain as best I can. I will let myself cry when I hurt or when I’m frustrated. I will get back to doing yoga. I have stopped my oral contraceptives, since I have been using them more for controlling when I bleed than actual pregnancy prevention – the hope is that going off the hormones might have a salutary effect.
I am going to harness the power of positive thinking and get through this. Nothing horrible is going to happen because the horrible things have already been ruled out.
As the great Arnold Schwarzenegger said in Kindergarten Cop, “It’s naht a toomah.”
And as the old man in Monty Python and the Holy Grail said, “I’m not dead yet.”