I’ve been feeling off for a while now. Off enough that I did go to the doctor’s office, and I will be getting some diagnostic stuff done, but that won’t be for another few weeks. In the meantime, I’m just trying to deal with it.
It’s more difficult to deal with than usual, because I don’t know what’s wrong and I don’t know how to fix it. I feel like my brain is not operating at its normal speed. I’m losing track of things that I don’t usually lose. I fumble and bumble. There’s a near constant lump in my throat and pain behind my sternum. My abdomen is a basket of random pains that strike on their mysterious whims.
Part of the abdominal pain is premenstrual right now, and that makes things even worse, because I’m emotional and I know it. And it’s perfectly normal for me to be in pain during my period, right?
One thing that bugged me when I went to the dr’s office was that I mentioned easing myself back into eating a bit more fiber, some fruits so I’m not going totally fiber free. And she said, essentially, that my IBS and gastroparesis were permanent and I needed to keep that in mind.
At the time, I didn’t reply, but later I wished I had. I wished I had looked at her with incredulity and asked if she had, unbeknownst to me, discovered the sure cause of my condition, and proven that I had IBS. And, since she now knew this for a fact, I would most certainly be interested in how she came to this miraculous conclusion.
Probably for the best that I didn’t say anything.
If anything, doing the experiment with the laxatives has shown me that my body does not react like I expected, based on what I’d read about IBS. They should have just worked, but they didn’t. I’ve stopped them for now, though I’m still drinking a can of old fashioned prune juice each evening. It seemed like the right thing to do after I had a bout of diarrhea.
I went to work on Monday even though I really didn’t want to. I wanted to stay in bed. Instead, I went in and spent a very active day moving my office. It doesn’t seem right to take a sick day when I don’t know what’s wrong, and when I couldn’t do anything for myself other than rest in bed. I rested all weekend. I slept over 10 hours Saturday night!
I’m trying to troubleshoot this, but I’m not finding anything that has a particular affect on how I’m feeling. Caffeine, pain killers, antacids, more sleep, rest, exercise, more water… My head doesn’t feel quite right, but I’m capable of doing everything I need to do. I can drive and work. Ride my bike. Run.
So I’ll need to find and try different things since the things that I’ve tried have had no effect. Always good to get it out on the page. To write out the problem often brings the solution into greater clarity. For me at least.